Bill and I decided to go to the matinee the otheer day....not that there was anything remotely close to what we actually would want to see. The choice ended up between Pandas, Transformers, Penguines or Julia Roberts. But, upon seeing the type of movie goers going to the former three, we reluctantly land on Ms. Teeth. Hank was good in the movie.
The first sign that things might not be quite what we were somewhat expecting was before we even got into our designated theatre. Hands loaded with popcorn/pop paraphenalia, we started to negotiate the long hallway to number 7. Directly in front of me was a huge family...mom, dad, four or five chest height kids, big ones. They had spread right across the whole hall and were dawdling and wandering. No matter which way we turned and dodged, there was one of them in the way. The hall was dark and difficult and these noisy little people were clueless, completely clueless to what was going on behind them and the parents didn't seem to care. Thank God! I thought, that they are kids. For sure they wouldn't be going to Smiley, they will be going to one of those other juvenile movies. So, I just relaxed and dawdled along behind. And then horror of horrors...they turned into the number seven door, and bashed and banged and jostled each other to get through the door. Just as I got there, hands full, the dad, the last one through, let the door go. Smack. Right into my full hands. Popcorn and diet coke frigging everywhere. Jeez!!!! Surely they had the wrong theatre!! I backed up and checked the number. I asked a passing cleaner kid if this was where Teeth was showing. Yuppp this was it. Oh Lord.
Upon entering, I noticed that the family chose to sit near the back. Yay!!!!!!! I like the middle half frontish anyway. We had thirty minutes to go and the seats were mostly empty. Yes!!! This theatre is not staggered height wise like at home...so you can seriously get view block. We settled into the little seats, organized what was left of our goodies and enjoyed the coolness of the theatre. (It was so hot outside) About five minutes later I noticed a fellow coming into our row from the right. If he sits beside me, I think, I am going to flip right out. A whole empty theatre and you gotta sit right beside me? Really? (I hate that expression but it works here) But he stopped two seats over. Whew! A few minutes later his wife showed up, loaded with food. I think she bought one of everything they had out there. And this woman was HUGE. I mean really really really huge. She had to be 500 lbs. How? I ask is she going to fit? I am huge too but I am only half her size and I was not that comfortable. So surreptitiously I watched. She did it and this is how. She back into the seat, wiggling back and forth and as she progressed towards the back her bulk became narrower from the sides but pushed forward. So when she was finally sitting 90% of her was forward on the aisle side of the arm rests. Fascinating. Then she started to rip and rattle bags and eat and chomp and chew. Oh MY God!! One of those. The noisy mouth open eater. And she had enough food to last through this movie and another one. I almost moved at this point.
At the fifteen minute to go mark I noticed that the theatre was beginning to fill up. I like empty theatres. Suddenly I heard a very loud disturbing commotion happening in the back. So freaky I turned around to see what the hell was happening. Thats when I noticed that the children were not children. They were fully grown downs syndrome people. I love downs syndrome peeps. I worked with them at one time in my life and learned a lot about the syndrome and those that have it. These people are loving, charming, funny and tend to have wicked tempers. And that was becoming rapidly evident. I don't know what one of them did but it didn't sit well with the others. Holy Hanna!! They were yelling and gesticulating and throwing things and punches at each other. The caregivers just sat there and let them duke it out. Finally they sat down and just continued to throw verbal insults at each other. It was kind of funny, except they didn't stop...right through the movie and another fisticuff broke out in the hallway after the movie. Oh and during the movie one of the little men suddenly yelled. "I peed!! Oh NO I Peed. My chair is wet. I moving down there." And up he got and moved down closer to us and after the movie I noticed that Yup! he had peed. I don't think I want to sit in those chairs anymore. You never know............
Just before the movie started a really good looking 35ish man came in and sat down in front of my seat. Oh no!! I thought but he quickly slid down and didn't obstruct my view. Odd, I thought. A man alone coming to see Grinny? Well you never know. But then just as the movie started another man about the same age came in and sat down beside him. And yes, you guessed it...gay and .........affectionate. Okay, I am all for the gays...no problem...in fact I stereotype them into the category of girl's best friends. But....its not every day you see men, right in front of you, kissing, fondling, smooching, .....talk about the mother of distractions. And as for Bill, he almost bust a gut. It was such a funny circumstance. He almost moved but I refused. I wanted to watch. They were far more interesting than Wide Mouth was.
I don't remember much about the movie....mostly I have vague images of teeth floating in my memory. But I sure remember the event. I am glad it wasn't a movie I really wanted to see!
