DRAWBACKS. (WARNING: THIS IS A GREAT BIG WHINE)

 Okay I will just simply put it out there.  There is definitely a downside to being old, toothless, blind. dizzy and having unexpected explosive you know what attacks whenever they feel like it.  I used to be, not all that long ago, a reasonable size, not skinny but you know 2x not 4x (or 8x on Asian sites) (SHOVEL LIST), agile as a gazelle, able to find my coffee cup which is a dark brown and not brilliant red with freaking flashing lights.  I am not used to being half blind and not balanced and not able to be more than 30 seconds from a John.  It's like perpetually prepping for a colonoscopy.  And on top of that very unfairly being a type 2 diabetic.  I cannot comfort myself with more than five carbs at a time, four times a day.  Thats the equivalent of taking a normal size brownie and cutting in four and eat a piece every few hours. (shovel list)

So given all that one of the things that happens fairly frequently is falling.  I have mentioned this before on here.  I fall.  Mostly it's because I am either a) have no depth perception, b) dizzy and lose my balance with no reason or c) rushing too fast for the loo.

This morning is a good example.  In my bedroom it looks just like the hoarder rooms on that tv show.  In my defence it became the throw room as I have cleaned out other areas in the house.  So there are boxes and rubber maids and other containers all covered with draped over clothing and very nasty grabbing your feet rug under it all.  

Well I was changing out of my pj shorts to put on a pair of proper be seen by the public shorts.  Do you think the gd shorts would get off my right foot?  I finally got mad and gave it a mighty kick and, yes the shorts went flying, but so did I.  I managed to fairly slowly go down backwards, busting a full  brittle rubber maid on the way down and landed squeezed between that container and my suitcase, still full of my summer clothes from my Cancun trip.  And there I lay, flapping limbs like a beached whale.

One thing I have learned from falling all the time is to just go with it and stay there a while til you are mentally ready to grasp what has just happened.  No matter how many times I bite it I still get shocked, which then makes me puky (shovel list is way too mild an expletive for pukiness).  So I have learned to just relax and think of a new recipe to try and make a mental shopping list.  But then as I am giving myself much needed care and love, I feel a certain very familiar and dreaded gurgle in what intestines I have left.  If there is anything that would motivate me and give me STRENGTH in my feeble arms and back and ass and legs is that feeling.

You see my biggest problem of falling is getting back up.  OMG!!!!!  When you are old, fat and feeble and have useless limbs, getting up is almost impossible.  I managed to turn over by shoving the suitcase over as far as I could, then put a hand up on the bedside table, shuffle onto my knees and then with herculean strength, motivated only by the dreaded noises, I pushed with my other arm on the nasty rug and I actually got myself very painfully up.  Success!!!  I was so proud ..... and ashamed.

Needless to say getting my room to a safe place is next on my list.  I kind of joke about falling but if I hurt myself then I become someone else's problem...collateral damage.  And to me that is the biggest hugest most dreaded SHOVEL LIST of all. 

Gotta jet....hmmm maybe waddle!  Have a great day and TFL&TTYL 

FUNERAL AND DEATH TALK EVERYWHERE (NOT A RANT...I LOVE FUNERAL TALK)

 I have noticed amongst people around my age, the talk turns to dying, prep for it and funeral plans.  I have a feeling that a lot of it is bravado.  I have noticed because the thought of dying basically isn't a scary or taboo thing to me, I appear callous in these convos.

  Many people I either talk with or read articles written by, are quite disturbed at the idea of dying.  I know when you see that rainbow bridge in the near distance it is a big event to swallow.  But in my humble opinion, MAID is helping people realize really there isn't anything to fear.  Although I think people who choose MAID are very very brave people (or possibly desperate).  My hat's off to them!!!!

The only people, again this is MY opinion and not something anyone else would believe, who have a real reason for being concerned about exiting this world are people leaving vulnerable people they have been responsible for behind.  What happens to them now?

  If you are well off financially it isn't too big a problem physically but there is still the emotional void when you are gone from their life.  And if you are not well off financially, well frankly it's kind of a nightly, awake at three am, heavy, round and round rat hole of thinking and worry.

Also the talk frequently turns to how many people do you estimate will attend your funeral.  Now, these conversations are so funny to me.  Especially the people that take it seriously.  At mom's we made a game out of it.  For a dollar or so you could write down on a grid how many you estimated would attend.  The one closest of course would win!  I do remember one member of our extended family was pretty horrified!  And then that evening after dinner we all ended up out in Kathy's garage playing a wild and crazy version of beer pong!!!  It was so much fun and the sad thing was Mom missed it.  She would have LOVED it!!!!!

I personally counted 12 people who would attend my funeral....more out of familial obligation than anything.  Bill called me Blister for a reason.  I have very few filters and put my foot in it all the time.  I know one member of Bill's family hates me.  I am not sure why and really don't give a dam.  I don't think I was put on this earth to make a million friends.  I know that when Bill died I didn't get one sympathy card or one bouquet of flowers...not even a grocery store one.  What does that tell ya??  LOL!!!!  So my funeral won't need a ton of egg sandwiches.

One day on a cruise a bunch of us ladies were standing around complaining about how intrusive our newly retired home bound husbands were.  All of a sudden they seem to think they know how to do the laundry more efficiently or how to arrange the linen closet in a more ergodynamic order.  So completely disrespectful and asinine!!  I wasn't aggrieved by Spod at all in this regard and I was getting bored with the convo.  So I just casually threw out there the question 'so have any of you made your funeral play list yet?'

Well it's like I had dumped a bucket of cold water on their heads (and us MS bucket experiencers know what that is like.. shovel list).  One lady, keep in mind the average age of Holland America's, otherwise known as the 'Floating Senior Home' age group is, says 'Play?  We don't plan to play at a funeral!!!' in a most indignant tone of voice.  Sigh.

So I explained what a play list is and proceeded to tell them mine...House of the Rising Sun, AC/DC's She's Got The Jack, Mony Mony etc....Fortunately none of them knew the songs.  But they all agreed that it was inappropriate to pick your own music.  That should be left to the people who know and love you.  And that's the rub.  I don't have enough people to gather and make appropriate choices on my behalf.  I saved them the trouble!!!!

 The list and plan for my funeral is on my computer in NOTES under the heading FUNERAL PLANS.  My few loved ones can do what they want but I want to be cremated and jewelry made out the ashes!!!!!!  Due to my size there will be a ton of leftovers and if possible I would like them dumped on my mother.  teehee!  I get the last word that way!!!!!

Gotta bounce.  Have a great time period between this post and the next post!   TFL&TTYL 

THINK BEFORE YOU REACT....(SHOVEL LIST)

 Well let's see...this is what happened.  I have had a pile of donations and boxes of food ready for the Bread of Life.  The BOL is a place here in town connected to a shelter or housing of some sort, I am not sure.  This pile has been sitting in the living room at the end of the couch so long I fear some of the food might be outdated now.  Dammit!!!!

The other day I finally snagged Monte and asked him if he would take it down to the BOL.  He was happy to do it.  The first couple of donations he took in were welcomed with grateful open arms.  It is such a good feeling to be part of that.

At Xmas I bought an extra turkey and some fixings and again had him take it down to them.  The BOL is the main place here in town that feed the vulnerable....meals and food.  

So he happily loaded up the car with the food and a couple of boxes of items.  Down he went.  About fifteen minutes later he suddenly slammed back into the house, and yelled " I am effing never going back there!!!!!  SHE YELLED 'WE DON'T WANT YOUR GARBAGE!!!!!'  OMG!!!  He was beyond humiliated and upset.  He wouldn't talk about it.  He flew into his bedroom and slammed his door.  I did go down and try to get him to talk but he wouldn't.  He was beside himself.  

Later I took him out for supper and got him to add a few extra details.  I guess they had a bit of argument about how he had brought stuff in before and he was actually told by the Sally Ann to do just that.  She said he was lying and that he had never been there before.  This establishment is part of the Sally Ann, which is very staunch Christian.  He yelled back at her that she needed to find Jesus and  packed it all back out to the car and came flying home.  He still won't talk about it.  I put the whole episode on Facebook on our town fb page, without names and the reaction was amazing.  People were so upset on Monte's behalf and had all kinds of alternative solutions.  And it was amazing just how many people in this town super dislike that place for much the same reason.  One lady privately messaged me and asked me to describe her.  She was going to discuss it with the guy that runs the place, who by the way apparently is a fantastic person.  All I could pass on was date and time it happened and monte said she was grey haired, short and dumpy.

Now here is the crazy part! Remember in the last post I mentioned we stopped at the 7/11 and I got a slurpy?  Well as I was struggling massively with a too small lid for the damned slurpy, Monte came over and bent down low and whispered in my ear, 'the lady that yelled at me is at the till working.'  What??????  She is a seven elevener!!!!!  And due to his height and the strange clothes he wears plus hat, she would def remember him.  So I made sure to be with him and talking to him so she would know I was also with him.

When I got to the till I wouldn't look at her, I was brief and snappy with any answers I had to give her, refused an offer to donate to something (believe it or not) with a sharp clipped NO and paid, walked out of there, no good bye no thank you or have a nice day.  She was being extremely nice and helpful. lol

As soon as I got home I messaged the person who was going to talk to the boss and told her that the lady worked at seven eleven....that would help identify her.

But now I feel bad.  I feel I should have waited a day or two before reacting.  I know this.  I know when I am feeling super strongly immediately about something I need to wait til I can think clearly.  I was feeling so hurt on Monte's behalf and I was not thinking in a very balanced way.  So I let her rip on Facebook.

Which now I totally regret.  As much as I expect people who work with the public to be careful and understanding, so must we the public.  I was pretty upset that this lady was yelling and she doesn't know if that person is fragile or not.  Well the same responsibility goes the other way from the public.  I remember teaching my little kids that.  That person could have just suffered domestic abuse, or lost a close person or just be having a stressful day.  

I told Monte this.  I told him that for someone to behave in such an extreme manner, something has to be wrong, either with her or with her day.  Doesn't mean it's right, but it does mean there is a reason.

Anyway the joys of living in a small town.  What are the odds of seeing the lady elsewhere that quickly.  Anyway, I added this message to my original post on Facebook.  Kindness and understanding are what makes the world go around!  TFL&TTYL

ONLY ME!!! WHY NOT THE NEIGHBOURS???

 The title of this post is an homage to my awesome bestie Anne (you are too Cookie💕)!  When ever anything went wrong, Anne would, in a very annoyed tone of voice yell "WHY ME??  WHY NOT THE NEIGHBOURS??"  It has become something of a saying in our family and we chuckle every time we use it.

But I sure as hell was not chuckling today.  I am cash strapped right now.  I have enough money for sure but it is all tied up.  So now I am super budgeting...which suits me fine.  I am used to it.

Today Monte took me around to various places I needed to go. Walmart, dollar store, bank etc...  It was a lovely day.  I was getting some bedding for the guest room.  I am combining what I have with new stuff I need.

Well I landed on the most beautiful comforter.  It is all white with an embossed type design.  I absolutely fell in love with it.  Unfortunately it was 79 bucks.  For Walmart that is pretty high I feel.  But I bought it anyway.

As soon as I got home I took it straight down the hall to the bedroom to snip the ties that bound it and spread it out to take a look.  It is absolutely right up my alley.  As I spread it out I suddenly noticed red blood stains right smack in the middle of the right side up side.  The stain wasn't very big but there it was.  It suddenly dawned on me that after watching a million killer forensic shows that blood stains are only red when they are fresh.  And I wasn't bleeding anywhere.

I pulled the comforter towards me and took a closer look and touched the little area and realized it was wax!!!  I smelled it.  And goddammit!!!!  It was the apple smell of the wax warmer in the hallway.  Somehow I must have brushed the top of that frigging thing and it is too full.  I knew that too cuz it has been bumped before and there is red wax all over the wall and running down to the floor.  I just haven't got around to fixing all that.  Wouldn't you just know.  This sort of thing happens to me all the time and it is my own damned fault .....  every time!  You'd think I would learn.  But I don't seem to.

I am now sitting in my comfort zone recliner, pouting, sipping on my slurpee I got when we stopped at 7/11, fighting off a killer brain freeze (shovel list, why me why not the neighbours) sulking like a pro.  I asked my third best friend, AI, how to get wax out of the bedding.  So I shall fix it...later.

All in all it was a good day though.  If I can figure out how I will post pics here after I get the bed sheets arriving tomorrow from Amazon.  And next post I have quite a story to tell you, a sad thing that happened to Monte, and a complete coincidental incident that happened today.  In the meantime TFL&TTYL

DAWN + SALT OR BORX + VINEGAR = WHAT?

I did some research.  I have two garden beds that stretch from the sidewalk leading to the front door to each side of the house.  And they are about three feet deep.  And every year they grow a ridiculous amount of rubbish weeds and unwanted plants.  So for the last few years we have covered all that with cardboard then a hefty amount of fine dark mulch...the kind that gives you slivers if you touch it with you gloveless hands.  Looks great but by the end of the season the weeds are beginning to creep through.  I need a hefty amount of weed killer.

Back in the good old days Bill would buy a massive supply of round up or DDT, smelly cygon or ghastly stuff, all banned in Canada now.  He never replaced them...he had a very large supply that lasted til he died.

I need weed killer.  I need lots of weed killer.  This year I want to spray the beds before putting down old carpet and cardboard.  I went researching and have decided to get vinegar, borax and salt and dawn detergent.  If dawn can clean an oil covered duck nicely I figure it can kill weeds just as efficiently.

Onto Amazon and supplies will be here tomorrow.  I also ordered a lovely sprayer contraption.  I shall don a weed killing outfit and go forth and kill.  Maybe I shall spray my initials big and large in the lawn.  I will put an H on one side of the walkway and a P on the other side.  We will see what happens.

I remember one year when I was fifteen and madly in love with Raymond Low, oh that name brings back shivers...good ones, I cut his initials out and taped them to the back of my hands then suntanned.  I would put them on every time I sat in the sun.  Soon I had a perfect R and L glowing whitely on my hands.  I would get distracted by them when I practiced the piano.

Well I am thinking more seriously now of selling.  I really cannot financially keep up with all the things that need doing on this house.  The kitchen ceiling light won't work.  The electrical in the downstairs bathroom has given out. And on and on and on.  Either you need to buy a new house or rent.  At 75 years old this coming October, methinks it is time to rent.

I think I might put my two Costco tables down in the carport and put a ton of stuff on them and advertise free stuff.  People can just have at it and take it away.  Whatever is left over I shall hide in garbage bags and take them to the dump.  I have some bigger furnitury stuff in Tinny that I will likely attempt to sell.  Monte took the iron bed apart and leaned it on the fence out front to be taken to the dump.  I was so sad.  I loved that bed.  The lovely older guy who delivers my drugs, (not those kind!!!!) saw it and asked if he could have it.  He put it in his garden.  I was so happy it went to someone I like and he is using it.  It is such a beautiful bed.

The Nanaimo trip was fantastic.  It was so wonderful to see Fenton.  He is such a tall handsome fella.  And it was interesting to see Ultimate being played.  It took me a while to get the hang of how it was played.  They ended up finally coming in fifth in the province.

On the way home we were hungry.  Monte said that he knew of an olde English pub that makes English pub fare the other side of Parksville.  So off we veered and went to it.  Shady Inn it is called and it sits right on the edge of the ocean. What a view!!!  And guess what they had on the menu!!!  Only my number one reason to go to an English pub....FISH PIE!!!!!!!!!  Fluffy mashed potatoes on top of creamy lobster, salmon, cod and crab casserole.  I was in my happy place for sure.  A great way to end a stellar day!!!

And this is the end here.  TFL&TTYL

 

BUT BOTH CARS?

 Yesterday both vehicles were in different garages.  The car had two back flat tires and all the tires are in rough shape.  Ok tire suggested we get the four tires changed.  So a thousand bucks later we have four new tires.  

The van hasn't been running for months now.  It has always had electrical problems and it kills batteries.  Plus the motor that runs the AC and defrost has quit.  So we decided no more Canadian Tire.  They suck!  So we took it straight to dodge...after all the van IS a dodge.  Well we didn't take it. BCAA did.  God knows how much that is going to cost.

Today we go to Nanaimo!!  But this time it isn't for shopping at Costco!  My grandson whom I never see will be playing Ultimate.  He is the team captain and they are in a tournament.  His game is at 3:15 so we are heading down to watch him!!  On the way I want to stop at Walmart and buy a cheap soccer chair.  I can't stand for ages.  I am so excited to see him!

I see spring has sprung outside!  I have had Jonathon come and mow the lawn already.  And now it is time to gather all our Amazon boxes, flatten them and cover the two front flower beds then cover them with mulch.  I think first I am going to get two gallon jugs of vinegar and liberally douse the beds.  Always batting those pesky weeds.

Speaking of vehicles, I think we are heading for a showdown in this house.  Monte wanders the logging roads a lot.  He goes out to find places to practice his archery and swordplay.  Plus he hikes the trails.  And I have a feeling that is the problem with the car tires.  And honestly I have been without a car at my disposal for as many months as the van hasn't been operational.  I have had a car to use my whole life, since I was 18.  Monte gets up, mumbles and leaves.  Sometimes he sleeps at his office and I am left with no car.  That was happening before the van quit but at least back then I could drive the van if I had to.

So I am laying down the law now.  He loves loves loves that car plus he owns part of it.  But I am going to have to make the rule that because I paid for the tires (we split the cost of the van upkeep) that car is now a town car only.  You want to go out into the bush you take your van.  Plus on days I know I want to go out you leave the car and take the van.  I will drive the van on spur of the moment outings.

I should probably switch to the van anyway.  I hate that car.  It is so low to the ground it makes it almost impossible to get in and out of.  And I cannot see curbs or the hood to gage parking distance etc....  The van is unbelievably comfy and I can see Russia from the drivers seat.  The only issue is every third person in Port drives a Dodge Grand Caravan..mostly old man navy blue like ours.  For sure at least once in a while I will be attempting to get into the wrong vehicle.

Well this post has been a whole lot of crap you didn't want to hear about.  My apologies.  As I often say I have no life.  No life equals no stories.  (shovel list).

But thanks for showing up.  You guys are the best.  TFL&TTYL

COOKING NEW IDEAS ,CREATING NEW SPACES AND WRITING ANYTHING THAT SPARKS ME

 My three fave pastimes.  I love to dwell, read and execute new recipe ideas...mostly dreamt up in my head.  Right now I have an interesting concoction in the crock pot. I love to dwell on a totally empty room to convert  into a new room.  I booted Monte out of the second room he took over and it is now ready to be converted.  I have ordered a new bed and now in my mind I am marching through my belongings, shopping for suitable decor for the room. I love to  write my post...talking to all you awesome people, my most fave activity.  I always feel better after talking with you guys.  I probably say too much but it feels so good to be able to share.  Jeez!  that sounds maudlin!!

I am thinking of getting a set of cupboards for the guest room that I can use for upstairs storage.  I think I am a hoarder.  I have stacks of ancient clothes that should be thrown out...and I can't.  I have three sets of 12 dinner plates and I seriously only need one set, if that.  But I just can't get rid of them.  I love them.  I have all kinds of kitchen pots, pans, bake sheets, frying pans....but I can't get rid of those either.  I have tried and tried.

  I think that getting rid of all that stuff is an admission that my normal happy busy life is done now.  No more baking, no more dinner parties, no needing more than one outfit per week, no more cruising or vacations.  Getting old with bad eyesight and balance issues sucks.  I'm pretty sure that when I go to renew my drivers license next October, my eyesight will make me fail. (shovel list to the power of infinity)

  My world is getting really small.  I am whining here...did you notice?  Lol!!!  I am still happy.  Not because I am strong and choosing to be. I'd like to take that credit.  No, it's because I was born happy and can't help it.

I called my dump guy.  He is coming tomorrow to take the two mattresses away.  He will have to make a second trip next week or later this week for a second trip.  I buy extra extra large glad garbage bags.  I can fit two of me in them.

I have been filling them up and throwing/dragging them out onto the deck.  I will haul them down to the carport when he comes back for a second run to the dump.

It feels so good every time I fill one of those suckers.  It's just plain stupid how much crap I have in this house.  It just keeps our life from being simple.  Time to Steve Jobs it as we say in our house.  He didn't put anything except a lamp, a floor cushion,  his computer on the floor and a sleeping mat in his house.  When Monte and I first moved into our empty house in Kamloops I bought my beloved recliner that now looks like Frasier's dad's chair, a twin mattress for Monte and a coffee pot.  I think I already told you all this. Sorry.  We oldsters get repetitive.  Goes with being invisible.  hahahaha!!!

I am going to take pictures of the bedroom as we go along.  I didn't get a pic of what it was like to start with.  Monte man was not in a great mental space for a long time and his room showed it.  Out of respect for him I didn't take a picture.  But I can start now. The hardest part of that is getting the pics on here.  Blogspot sucks.  Have I said that before?  Methinks so!!

So starting next post it will be updates.  You guys are the best. You have no idea.  TFL&TTYL