A WHOLE WEEK SINCE THE LAST POST!!

Wow!!!  I even made my blog my home page to remind me to sit down and do a post.  Obviously that hasn't worked!

Partly, the lack of posts may be due to a very self indulgent singular lifestyle.  This is the very first time in my life I live completely alone.  No parents, no sibs, no husbands, no kids....all by myself...and I love it.  I get just enough company, I get out just enough and have just enough family to keep me from going crazy or doing something stupid like getting lonely.

This last week I had a delightful dinner at Milestones with Leanne.  What an awesome woman she has turned out to be.  Its so cool to have watched this amazing human being grow from a tiny baby to such a beautiful woman.  We had the best visit...I only hope I didn't do too much of the talking.  I have that tendency.  She and her equally awesome sister are the only two people other than nieces and nephews, that I have had the privilege to know from birth to now.  And they turned out to be such an incredible couple of ladies.

I also went out for lunch with an old school friend.  And she is another amazing woman.  Man we were in Mr. Mikes for three hours, with not one second of silence between us!  She has a grandson with a very similar mental state to Monte so it was great to compare notes and learn learn learn.  Its amazing just how many people out there have mental disabilities.  And the more I learn the more I realize we don't know much.  Anyway we had a great time...and I really really want her hair.  Its awesome!  Hair envy!!

Here and there Anton and friends have dropped in to do some jamming downstairs.  I usually have something around for them to eat and bless them they always take a little time to sit and visit before they go.  Tonight Anton came by, drummed and ate and he's staying the night in 'his' room.  The buses are so sketchy and too late.  He has to be off early tomorrow morning for school.

Tomorrow its Kiwanis.  I have missed a lot of meetings.  Actually this whole January has been kind of a write off one way or the other.  Back on track now, although every time I say that something exciting comes down the track.  We shall see!

And last but not least, April and Myles were up for the weekend!!!!  They got in late Fri. night.  We planned to have our own little Xmas Sat. morning.  I was so excited I couldn't sleep!  I lay awake all night and planned breakfast and dinner.  Usually that puts me out but not this time.

Saturday morning we had eggs benedict and coffee and then settled in for an hour or two of present opening.  God what an awesome time that was!!!  And they gave me some beautiful things.  When I get my battery charged I will take some pics. 

 Then a very special special thing happened.  We were invited down to Craig and Jo's to meet the newest member of their little family.  Stirling John Haight arrived four days earlier!  So we went out and did a little shopping, went out for dinner (thank you Myles) and then went to Jo's.  And that baby is absolutely beautiful.  Perfect round head, perfect little nose, perfect little chin...and his big sister Ainsley is totally enthralled with him!!!  What a lovely and special treat to hold a tiny human again.

Sunday April went out, in my slippers (shovel list) and built a lovely snowman...messed up my front yard (shovel list) but it was totally cute.  She was snow blind for a while after she came in!  We cooked up a prime rib roast, mashed spuds, carrots, yorkshires, gravy and horseradish and caesar salad.  They then got away around six, after loading up the Bamfield table and buffet.  My garage is practically empty!!!

Well I  must be off to bed.  Its almost one in the morning.  TTYL  (sooner than later hopefully)

OXO AND MONTE...IN THAT ORDER LOL!!!

I got an amazing letter from Oxo!!!Actually an email.  They profusely thanked me for using their product for so many years.  And they were very sorry that due to marketing and consumerism etc...they had to discontinue the product.  I am so sad but I truly appreciated their letter.

Monte is right where he should be.  In fact now that he has moved into his tiny little haven, he has relaxed, enough that his symptoms have kind of settled down.  His first doctor appointment is today at one o'clock, within walking distance from his little room.  He has taken the place for two full months.  I am not sure what will happen past that. He is already making videos and music and he has a show coming up in Feb. at the only venue in town.  He is happier than I have heard him in a long long time.

April and Myles are coming up this week end.  We are going to have our Christmas!  I have two huge Santa sacks full of presents and the tree is still up, waiting!  I am going to get a standing rib roast, and I am going to make my own yorkshire puddings.  Roast and yorkies are Ape's fave dinner.

I have developed a hacking rib breaking cough.  I don't feel sick per se, but it just won't stop.  I was heading out to the Kiwanis meeting but I just can't stop hacking, not an appreciated by others state to be in these days.  Think I will hunker down and drink hot stuff...like that will help.  I sincerely do not want to get that horrendous flu that is going around.  Its an ugly one.

Well I have a fairly long list of things that need to be done before Friday night when the kids get here.  I have already done the dining room...that was a big job.  All the good dishes and serving bowls and a ton of other stuff was stacked on that seven foot table.  But its all clear now.  I also cleaned my bathroom, scrubbed it from top to bottom.  It feels so squeaky clean in there now!  Today its the living room, kitchen and laundry room.  Its amazing how all those little corners, chairs and shelves get stacked with clutter.  Time for a clean out.  And if I can ever slow the coughing down, I really need to go out and get some grub.  There is NO food in this house and I have no Monte to go get it for me!  TTYL

LIKE RUNNING UNDER WATER

I don't know what it takes to get decent medical attention anymore.  Whether its walk in clinics, hospital emergency, family doctor...there seems to be a common thread....no help.  And this isn't new.

For years and years and years I dragged a poor April to doctor after doctor after specialist to get to the bottom of her excruciating bouts of stomach pain.  When she got those attacks she would hallucinate and almost pass out.  If it happened to anyone else we would have been calling an ambulance.  But, because it was April we just comforted her the best we could and started another round of doctors.  And the most common diagnosis that I was verbally told?....wait for it..... "oh thats just kids, they get stomach aches, we never really know why'.  Patronizing bastards.

Then it happened again in Bamfield.  She was delirious with pain.  I drove her to the Port Alberni hospital.  She was 12 yrs old by then.  Thank God we got an interested dr. who ordered an ultra sound, something I had been begging for years.  And yes, they found something.  Her gall bladder was so full of stones they didn't think they would be able to remove it using scopes.  Do you have any idea how painful that is...in a kid no less.  Ignorant bastards.  I hate doctors, even more than lawyers.  Maybe even more than Kanye West.  Well, maybe not the last one.

So now here we are with Monte.  He is having seizures.  There are long spells where he can't speak anything but jibberish, no matter how hard he tries.  He falls suddenly with no warning.  Thats happened a number of times.  Yet his brain remains totally clear with no confusion or loss of lucidity or memory.  He will uncontrollably jerk his head and make unintelligible  noises.  One good thing, he gets what he calls a mental aura first so he knows when its coming and can kind of take measures to protect himself.

  Upon consulting Dr. Google we have sort of ruled out tardive dyskenesia, Huntingtons, and a number of other illnesses involving chorea (uncontrolled movements).  You get to feeling like it will be like this forever and we will never know.

So we have had him to doctors and mental health and a psychiatrist.  I have a feeling if it were any of us out here who don't have mental issues, we would have been hospitalized and the hunt would be on with various tests.  Something is clearly wrong with him and it doesn't seem to have anything to do with his mental stability.  In fact he has been particularly clear headed lately.  He has had accelerated anxiety but,  chicken or egg?

I think its a pretty sad observation that he actually has to go all the way back to Port Alberni to his old GP to get help.  That doctor is pretty amazing, or has been in the past with Monte.  He deals with a lot of disfunction in that little town.  Maybe, but I ain't holding my breath, just maybe he will be able to get to the bottom of it.

  All Monte has heard here with doctors is 'don't worry about it, it will go away'...and when asked to explain what it is, all they can tell us is 'well we don't really know, we haven't seen this before, it will go away'.  No its not.  Its getting worse.  So I advised him not to even mention his mental health to the hospital if he ends up having to go up there before he sees his doctor next week.  Like I said, its like running under water.  You get nowhere slowly.

Well, Graeme motored through my garage, packed Monte's van right full of cardboard, recyclables and garbage.  Today I moved the tables and chairs and buffet and Tank is now safely tucked away.  But its pretty warm out there right now.  It's three degrees out there and dripping.  I wish I had done all this while it was freezing and snowing! 

So if I hear anymore from Monte I will let you know.  He is very very contented and happy to be back in Port.  Its the right place for him right now. And I hope this doesn't sound mean and selfish but I must admit I am enjoying some solitude right now.  The house is so quiet and peaceful.  TTYL

JEEZ I CAN'T STAND GIADA OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT

I watch cooking shows and competitions.  I used to really like them but there are some real icky chefs showing up repeatedly.  I feel about them like I do Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, or Zep.  Go away!  Move over for new ones.  

But the number one chef I simply cannot stand is Giada.  If you haven't ever seen her consider yourself lucky.  If you aren't sure which one she is then please, let me remind you.

Giant huge teeth, ridiculous face cracking grin, squeaky scratchy laugh, inappropriate clothes, claw like hands that she is always clawing the air with and a 'my crap doesn't stink' attitude.  There, thats my vent for the day.

Yesterday Monte and I went to his psychiatrist and I must admit I felt a lot better after.  He didn't think there was anything serious going on, extreme involuntary anxiety and he totally condoned Monte's trip to Port.  So now its a matter of getting his finances in order, his clothes clean and his musical instruments along with recording stuff, in order.  The kid can't process.  So, because I really want him to go on this trip, happily, I shall be his external brain one more time. (at least for the next month :) )

Yesterday after the doctor, I met with Anne.  She and I went to Victoria Oriental for a dim sum lunch.  I always forget how amazing and delicious dim sum is.  Especially from this place.  Their food is truly authentic and better than anything we got in China or Hong Kong.  Shrimp dumplings, shrimp toast, pork dumplings, sticky rice, spring rolls, chicken feet....yes, chicken feet.  Anne really likes chicken feet.  I didn't touch them!!  And my fave of all...bean curd rolls.  Yum!!!  We had so much left over.  I sent it all home with Anne.

Anywhooo, time to get rolling.  I have been sitting here on my laptop all morning.  I see its warmer out there today.  In fact the snow is dripping a little off the roof!  Tomorrow Monte and I are going to organize and clean up the garage.  Won't be too hard as its pretty much all garbage.  We went way too long without garbage pickup and over Christmas too.  So trips to the dump which is always fun.  My goal is to be able to move Tank into the garage.  TTYL 

SUNSHINE!

I went out to shovel yesterday and couldn't.  No matter how hard I tried I simply could not do it.  That snow is so deep! I don't remember seeing it snow THAT much but clearly it did.

So I suggested to Monte he go to Canadian Tire and buy a snow blower.  They aren't too expensive and I see that pretty much everyone around here has one.

Pretty late in the day he set off. Canadian Tire isn't too far away from us.  But fifteen minutes later I got a call.  He forgot his stupid wallet.  Jeez!  So I told him to wait til this morning.  And.....

He had a terrible episode of manic whatever last night.  It was awful...full on ticking, stuttering and terrified of what was going on emotionally.  He said it was the worst he's ever felt.  It didn't last too too long but it left him absolutely distraught and ticking and not able to talk properly.  He finally got a phone call this morning from his team (the hospital sent them the message that he was all better and fine...boy is Monte pissed off about that, he has been waiting for a call with a psych dr. appt.).  They told him to go see my doctor (his dr. too) and get some Ativan to tide him over until his psychiatrist appointment next Monday.  Sigh.  No snow blower and a ton of snow on our driveway and sidewalk.

The sun is shining full force out there today.  It is truly truly spectacular!  The whole house is flooded with light...and my living room windows are filthy filthy filthy!  How the hell does that happen.  As soon as spring comes I need to get the window cleaners in and I need to get the gutters done.  I don't want to own a house anymore.  I want to rent and let someone else worry about that crap.

I think that is my plan, not renting but def moving to a smaller place. Monte doesn't want to live with me.  And I too think it would be way better for him to not live with me.  So over the next year we shall work together to make this happen.  Not sure how but it is a mutual goal.  He wants to live in Victoria which is perfectly fine with me.

With this in mind I have kind of set my goal on a little war house downtown.  I looked at them first before buying this house.  This place has been super good for both of us, but its time to look at moving on in the next year.  That gives me a year to eliminate even more stuff out of my house.  Other than the necessary furniture I am determined to empty this place out.

I have learned over my many house buying experiences, that put it into the air and it will happen, when its supposed to and not a moment sooner.  The perfect place will come along right when its supposed to.  But in the meantime I spend quite a bit of laptop time on realty.ca keeping track of what is for sale and generally what the prices are.

Well I had best hop to.  Things to do and a huge dining room table full of stuff to clear off.  TTYL

A WEE ACCOUNTABLILITY NOTE

I am kind of ashamed of myself at the moment.  Over Christmas I became kind of lax at taking my diabetes pills, metforman. I take them, but not as regularly as I should.  Plus, I ate way more bad stuff than I usually do.  Some sweets but mostly all those other goodies like potatoes, bread and salad dressings etc.

The other thing I stopped doing was checking my blood sugar numbers.  I had been keeping them down around 3 and a half to six.  Never more.

So, last night I noticed my blood checking kit sitting on the windowsill beside my chair.  On a whim, for the first time in over a month, I decided to check.  I knew it would be higher due to the type of meal I had eaten about one hour before.  So I grabbed the kit, poked my thumb, stuck it in the little machine and BAM!!!  22!!!!!  Holy Hannah!!!  Thats BAD BAD BAD!!!  I was shocked!  I double checked and yup!  thats what it was.  OMG!!!

Not checking allows denial.  God!  So no snack before bed and this morning its back down again but that was a real wake up call that was!  I need to get back to what I did months ago.  Three days fasting and one day sensible eating.  Keeping that number down to around 4 over a long period of time (a month) allows you to go back to healthy eating without spikes up to frigging 22!  

So I am laying it out here....back to the plan.  If I find myself not checking my numbers again...I will know why!!!  Now I need to go outside into that miserable freezing blowing wind and shovel a damned sidewalk and driveway.  Monte is sick and it needs shovelling, sick or not.  (shovel list..hahaha).  TTYL

A LITTLE NOTE

Just a quick little note for a couple of things.  I want to thank the commenters for their suggestions and encouragement.

I AM going to leave my tree up for now.  It is little, not in the way and artificial.  Somewhere along the way the other kids are coming up here for another little Christmas so I am leaving it!

And I want to thank "Anonymous" for her suggestion of writing to Oxo!  I never even thought of that!  I have googled it to no avail but writing the company is such a great idea!  I am doing that right as soon as I finish this post.

The last thing I wish to discuss here is Monte. For those that don't know he has been going through a really tough time lately.  And the really hard part here is that I don't totally trust the Doctors diagnosis.  I am a pretty big believer in the patient kind of knowing what is happening with themselves....and Monte absolutely is sure that whatever happened in his brain was NOT connected to his psychosis.  He does not have psychosis anymore.  Other stuff for sure but not that.

When he was first checked into the hospital, he really couldn't speak without stuttering and making sounds.  His head kept twitching and he couldn't control his arms and hands.  As time went by he got better.  Now its a few days later and he still has trouble getting some syllables out and his head is twitching now and then.  But something else really interesting has happened.

His thinking patterns, problem solving, tastes (like now he prefers black coffee) have subtly changed. This happened six months ago too, just not so extreme.  He felt a shift in himself and he suddenly could improvise on the piano...like professional improvising, and he couldn't do that to save his life the day before.  He exponentially took a major jump.  If anyone has any ideas on this we are totally open to suggestions or reading material etc...

So thankyou Dean, Cookie and Anonymous for your words....my tree stays up and I am now going to email Oxo!!!!   TTYL

V8 TO THE RESCUE

Costco.  Hmmm....I know that the decisions they make are in the members, us, best interest.  I know this.  But when they stop stocking something that has become absolutely vital to your life it kind of shakes your world.

That happened a couple of years ago with Oxo.  I always bought those big plastic containers of chicken and beef oxo.  I put that stuff in EVERYTHING.  Spaghetti sauce a little flat?  Throw in oxo beef.  Chicken soup not quite right? Throw in oxo chicken.  Chilli a little tasteless?  Throw in oxo beef.  Meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, soups, spaghettis, hamburgers, casseroles...all of them are better with that magic touch, oxo.  In fact, when I brought the last load of stuff back from Maui I brought back my oxo I had taken over from here.

Well it happened again.  I drink endless amounts of V8.  I often replace a meal with V8.  I would prefer the low sodium kind they sell in Maui, but the V8 up here (not the ones with fruit juice in them..too much sugar) isn't too bad.

So a couple of months ago I went to get my usual two cases.  I always keep a whole case in the fridge and the next one out in the garage...at the ready.  And at first I couldn't find it in the usual spot on the back wall.  I felt a little niggle of alarm but I back tracked and looked again, carefully and thoroughly.  Nope.  Not there.  Now I panicked.  I flagged down a Costco worker and asked.  He confirmed that they had stopped stalking it.  OMG!!  I almost cried.  Cuz I am telling you, buying it by the individual can just isn't an option.

So yesterday I asked Monte to make a stop at Superstore, a place I NEVER go to, and pick up a couple of cases there if they had them.  He got them there for me once but the last time he tried, they didn't have them.

And guess what?  He walked in with two cases, but not from Stupid Store, from Costco!!!!!!  Yay!!!!!  All those notes I dropped in their suggestion box maybe helped!  Now to start working on getting Oxo back!

I have a question....when does it become tacky to have your Christmas tree up?  It is so pretty in the living room at night.   I don't want to take it down:(  Thats my fave spot to sit by the fire and read my books.  Its cozy and warm and quiet and pretty.  But I guess its gotta happen.  Sigh.  (shovel list)  

TTYL

THE BOYS HAD TO EAT IN THE LIVING ROOM

HERE'S THE REST OF US

EMMA KNOWS WHERE TO SIT

THE BOYS TABLE

OH OH!!  CHANGE OF MENU COMING UP

WAHHHHHH!!!!

HAPPY HAPPY ITS BACK

AUNTIE IRIS CHASING THE ENGINEERED BALLOON THINGY

I'M NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW

I usually am happy, but honestly, right now I just simply am not.  It seems a sad time right now.

Christmas is over.  New years is over.  Everyone is gone.  K&K are gone for a month.  Monte is in the hospital.  My hair sucks bad.  I am fat.  My house is a disaster.  Its f**king freezing out.  There is a cat that seems to be abandoned living in the snow on my deck.  I can't catch it.  I worry about it.  Spod is dead.  (okay, now I am sitting in a corner eating worms)

I hardly ever feel this way.  Its kind of a novelty.  I think it really boils down to my hair.  Bad hair days aren't cool and I am going to have bad hair days from now til eternity.  I miss my poof.

I asked my cousin Heather to cut it.  She did a stellar job but I want all, not just what she cut, but the stuff that has fallen out over the last year cuz of pills, of it back.

I don't think anyone understands what a momentous life changing moment it was to cut my hair.  I have had the same hairstyle, one I love cuz its easy and balances out the hump in my back, for about twenty five years.

So there I sat, on a chair, in the middle of the kitchen.  Heather, scissors in hand, stood behind me.  Facing me along the edge of the kitchen, sitting in comfy chairs, was Monte, Graeme and Anton.  They were busy talking and eating and listening to music as Heather cut my happy place off.  It had to happen but as I sat there fully aware of how this one act was going to affect my life drastically, they all just ate and talked and listened as though nothing huge and momentous had just happened right in front of them.  They will never know.

A couple of days later I was looking at facebook.  My sister had put a bunch of fun colourful pics of the new year's party on.  One of them caught me somewhat in the background, sitting in a chair.  It took my breath away.  It had to be the truly ugliest picture of me ever taken.  Fat double chin, straight thin flat hair, a shirt I hate so much I had already thrown it out.  I looked just like little Lottie.  And pictures don't lie.  I do believe I hit bottom at that moment.  Mind you I didn't have too far to fall, I was already on my way down.

I am going to quit this post right now.  It is just way too indulgently wound licking.  TTYL