fat lady store vent, no its an event turned into vent

Ok I can write this freely because no one 'cept my daughter is reading this and she will surely forgive me. The subject today is the FAT LADY STORE.

I went down to the FLS today to see if there were any summerish and nicish shirts on sale. I know better than to try to buy pants, there just aren't any that fit me (Aryn can vouch for this for me.... can't you?) So I get Bill to drop me off whilst he goes off to Starbucks for coffee. In I swoop and today it is busy in there. It isn't usually. I like it when it is busy cuz I can scope out what stuff looks like on other fat broads like me.

But today!! Oh Lord in Heaven!! I couldn't believe what I was looking at. As I swung jauntily through the door I did notice there were more people than usual. I didn't really start to notice the difference in todays shoppers right away. As I started around my usual route ... first to the left along the side wall, then zig zag backt through the middle then do the far wall etc.... it began to enter my psychy that the women in the store today were larger than usual, in fact they were a whole lot larger....in fact that were huge....over 500 pound huge!! What the heck? I say to my self. So, I started to look in earnest. Holy Hannah!! As I gazed around I began to feel smaller and smaller and smaller and smugger and smugger and smugger. Now, it isn't very often a fatty like me gets to feel small and smug. I began to notice the side glances my way, at my hair, my shorts then my legs ... So I couldn't help myself. I started to sashay and swoop just a little. Then I found my self holding up small (by comparison to what they had to try on) cute little shirts from the smaller trendy side of the store. Then I swung these gorgeous little numbers (none of which would fit me, they do have a few smaller clothes that I can't wear ) up into my arms and strutted over through the ladies to the dressing rooms. I took notice of the women as I went.

Honestly, they were so fat they were mishapen. There butts were so big they could only wear stretchy stuff. Their boobs were sagging and penduous, their stomachs hung down over there thighs. And makeup!! What the hell was that about. It became obvious that these women had all come together and knew each other and I felt they must some how some way belong to some kind of weird club for the really fat. So I slowed down and started to eavesdrop to see if I could pick up any hints. As soon as I did that something else immediately made itself obvious. They sounded funny. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now I felt like I had walked into a strange and unrecognized world. This is MY store, those ladies that work there are MY people that help me, these big odd women just didn't belong here. i was beginning to get creeped out.

Well I did pick up a few things that would fit and dashed off to an empty change room. The stuff fit, looked good, was cheap so off the register. I just arrived at the counter seconds before a really large woman with fire engine red hair and a load of red iipstick. She stood by patiently waiting. At the end of my transaction, the saleslady handed me a promotion coupon for the end of August. I handed it back saying I would not be in town. She said pass it on to someone. Suddenly this large lady in waiting came to life and said "Yes, they are a truly good deal. I wish we lived here. I would, like, totally come back and use it!!" HOLD ON!!!! Her voice! Her chin!! Her Adam's Apple!! Her wasnt a her at all. Her was a he. All the hers were hes. OMG!!! They were men. Every last one of them. Cross dressing, really really fat, weird, MEN!!! I was transfixed. I had to make myself leave or risk making a spectacle of myself.

I still can't believe what I saw. I wonder if their wives know? I would truly resent having a husband that could wear my clothes!!! They had better not be there when I go back, thats all I can say.