We have dogs. A big one and a little one. I am not a dog person but even I know that you don't feed dogs people food. All sorts of awful things happen when you feed them people food. They get sick. They get runny diarrhoea. They become fixated on food and lose their desire to be normal dogs. They die. All sorts of awful things can happen.
This knowledge makes no difference whatsoever to Bill. For years and years, through several dogs, Bill has been told, nagged, yelled at, lectured and beseeched to not feed the dogs people food. But in spite of obvious consequences, he seems to be totally unable to exercise self-discipline and refrain from tossing inappropriate tidbits to them. On one famous (in the immediate family anyway) occasion a few years ago, he fed one of our dogs twelve chocolate cupcakes. When I found out, fairly soon after the feast, I tied the dog up on our deck as per the normal routine and with payback purpose in mind, I moved a lot of lumber, tools and bricks in to the same corner as the dog. By the time that poor dog was through, there wasn't much of the building supplies that wasn't coated in a fine layer of excrement. And, because of what was under the deck, it couldn't be simply hosed off. Bill had to carry every piece down to the back and hose it off there. And our poor dog recently died from kidney failure. Think there is a connection? Now, no matter what Bill has done or not done, any episode of poo in our house is his responsibility. He has to clean messes up off the floor, he has to pick up poo outside, he has to clean our little hairy dog if poo sticks to her.
Yesterday morning both dogs were put out to do their morning ablutions. Molly, the little hairy one, stayed out way way longer than her normal routine. Finally I called her in. As she came up the sidewalk she would stop every few steps, hunch up then drag her butt a ways on the ground. She would then walk a few more steps, stop, hunch up and drag her butt. She finally arrived at the door and upon inspection there was the evidence that she had been eating something she shouldn't have. Nicely glued all over her ass was....well....you can guess. I hollered for Bill. Bill didn't come. So I scooped her up and holding her at arms length I went in search of him. I found him in the bathroom, stark nekkid and about to get into the shower. I simply handed the dog over to a surprised Bill and exited the bathroom. No words were necessary. After a few minutes I heard Bill go into the kitchen and back into the bathroom. I was busy so I didn't pay much attention.
After some time I was kind of wondering what was happening in there, I opened the door and peeked in. No Bill. No Molly. What??? So I stepped into the bathroom, gingerly pulled the shower curtain aside a little and OH MY GOD!! There was Bill, facing the shower, holding Molly, ass side up under a pounding stream of hot water. He would swish her this way. Then he would swish her that way. Then he would kind of bounce her up and down. She looked positively terrified. I quickly left the bathroom, shaking my head.
I retreated to the kitchen and proceeded to do the dishes. After a few minutes i happened to glance down the hall just as the bathroom door opened and a very wet dog was fired out into the hallway, door shutting quickly behind her. For one stunned moment she just stood there blinking, Then suddenly she shook herself vigorously, hunched her back, then plopped her ass on the floor and started to drag her ass, again. Behind her was a little brown trail. I dashed over, scooped her up, flipped her upside down and, yes, there was the evidence. All the shower did was make it mushier and messier. Jeez!!! I also noticed that a lot of hair had been hacked off her back end. I grabbed her towel and wrapped her up and went back into the bathroom. And, yes, sitting right there on the counter were my good kitchen scissors, the ones we use for opening food bags, cutting green onions, snipping beans etc... And they were covered. One more item for the dog bag.
After he was dressed, Bill took her to Doggie Sudz and had her washed. It would just be a whole lot easier for dog and all to not feed her people food.
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