As Bill and I travelled about the world and about our own neighbourhood, it became more and more apparent that kids under the age of ten are the most miserable inconsiderate unhappy group of people on the planet. Everywhere we went there would be some kid screaming, or crying, or demanding, or hitting a sibling, or yelling at a parent. Some countries were worse than others but we never had to go far to be accosted by one.
And, you know how there is something in your life that just seems to be attracted to you? Like every time you are in a Costco line up its money changing time. Or in a bank line up the teller closes her wicket just as its your turn. Or you hit every freaking red light. Those events where you say 'this always happens to me'? Well thats me with miserable little brats.
Just ask Monte. He and I have had to go out to eat more than normal in the last couple of months. And it is inevitable. We just get nicely seated and in will come a family with at least one of those unhappy people. It just happened again the other day.
We went into Ruby's diner for a quick lunch. Its a cute place, cute decor, cute menu choices, a true diner. And then the door opened and in came two women with a whole gaggle of those little peeps. And, of course, they sat right beside us. And it wasn't even ten seconds, the little one, about two, cute as a button, starts howling. And holy crap did she HOWL!! (shovel list to the power of infinity) And she didn't quit. Now and then she would take a breath or eat a french fry but she never quit. The whole lunch. If it hadn't been so busy in there I would have requested a move.
Again, the other evening, everyone was out except Aryn and I. So we hopped over to Ruby Tuesdays (the Ruby is just a coincidence). I love this place. It still has the old school salad bar…a good one and the place is adult oriented. We were seated. We were excited, after all you never find salad bars anymore, so 70's. We went over and loaded up a plate each and upon return to our table, SHIT!!!!!, a bazillion really little kids had been seated at a four table push together, not two feet from my left ear!!! WHY?????? I ask. Why me?
And within a new york second the little boy, about four or five years old, seated not two feet from us, started to talk, non stop, in that awful ear searing high pitched voice that all pre pubescent children seem to speak in. What is with that? Did nature make them purposely with those awful pitched voices for their protection? Just to make sure that parents could hear them three blocks away? Or to scare off predators? It was sure working on me. And if he stopped long enough to breath, the little girl across the table from him made up for it…only she screamed and demanded and cried the whole time. Ahhh God!! Even the waitress added on an "if you can" after wishing us an "enjoy" when delivering our food. It was awful…ask Aryn.
And airplanes…oh God. Kids should be put in the very back with their totally indulgent parents and a glass soundproof wall between our section and theirs. It isn't mentally healthy to start imagining increasingly violent ways to shut a kid up. Not good for your mental karma.
But seriously…on the way over here (I think I already posted about this) there was a kid that almost drove us all nuts. She was happy, which was odd to begin with, but then she was 'playing' which involved screaming and shouting and pounding on the table in front of her, all the while her stupid parents smiled indulgently, thinking she was ever so freaking cute. No matter how many times I turned around and scowled at them and shook my head, it just didn't register. Stupid people.
Down at the beach there was a couple with their little darling. She would be three and I will admit, cute. The parents had her by her hands and were swinging her over the waves as they rolled up the beach. But, being a typical unsatisfied, always wanting more, kid, she kept demanding they go out further. Dad would kneel down, use a new age inside voice, and explain to sweetheart that it was dangerous. But no, she would scream and stomp and cry and insist they go out further. Dad and mom would look nervously and helplessly at each other and inch out a wee bit further.
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| NOW THIS IS HOW I LIKE 'EM…ASLEEP. I TOOK THIS PIC IN A PARK IN GUATAMALA |
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| AND JUST TO SHOW I AM NOT A TOTAL MONSTER, I TOOK THIS THE OTHER NIGHT….HE WAS SITTING AT ANOTHER TABLE IN A RESTAURANT AND WE HAD A LITTLE MOMENT |
Of course this wasn't good enough for Princess. So more screaming and gnashing of teeth until Mom knelt down, stroked Darling's hair and soothingly explained for the millionth time why it wasn't a good idea to risk death. (meanwhile I am mentally yelling 'do it!!! do it!!!!take her out there…
Once again, looking at each other with fear and panic in their eyes, cuz little darling had really ramped up by now, they went out further and further. And you guessed it! A giant wave came, ripped her out of their gentle grasp and tossed her around like she was a crouton in a spilled bowl of soup. Hahahahaha!!! By the time they got hold of her (she was never in any real danger) and dragged her out she was finally silent (read terrified) and her parents were crying! They both carried her protectively, crying, asking if she was okay, petting her…stupid stupid stupid. The kid needed to hear a giant "we told you so"!
Man, I could go on forever. Now, this is generally where I would put in a disclaimer about how I don't really hate kids yaddyyaddyyadda. But I am not this time. I try to keep this blog real with no lying or exaggeration. Haha!!! TTYL
I can SOOOOOO relate!
ReplyDeleteLol you're awesome.
ReplyDeleteLol you're awesome.
ReplyDeleteLol you're awesome.
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