HOUSE HUNTERS

 I am pretty sure everybody is familiar with House Hunters.  I am totally fascinated with this show.  I know that they severely edit the show, they for sure show more than three houses and I am also pretty sure they pick either syrupy sweet families or contentious ones, on purpose for viewing interest.  And then there are the ones that it would be shockingly inappropriate of me to identify that certain group that are so picky I can hardly finish watching the episode if I see that they are the buyers.

This morning I was sitting in my beloved ratty torn recliner, it looks like Frasier's Dad's old recliner, duck tape and all, and I started to look at my house as though I was on House Hunters and they were showing me this house.  And I was seeing it as though I had the same pickass expectations and wants as that aforementioned group always does.  Holy Crap!!!  

Every ceiling in the house is popcorn ceiling.  Way too much to ever think of removing it.

  The light fixture over the dining room table was an old colonial style double layered light fan, musty yellow.  I hear them on the show have a fit over perfectly beautiful light fixtures.

My kitchen has open shelves along one whole wall floor to ceiling, no doors.  The counters are a marbly dark green and cracked and old.  One drawer is totally broken and won't close all the way and leaves sawdust behind from wood dragging on wood.  The light fixture is one of those ugly yellowed (used to be white) huge sunshine florescent lights.  Terrible kitchen.  The double sink is small and the tap is broken.

The bathroom is, as Arnie calls it, a time capsule.  The turlett and bathtub are avocado green.  The turlett seat is wood.  There are two swag little plastic chandeliers that hang down in front of the three way mirror, no cabinet behind them.  The mirror doors bang into the chandelier lights.  Maybe thats why they are plastic!  Hahahaha!!!  And even with low watt lights, the light is placed such that you can't see your reflection in the mirror. You have to shut the lights off and when its dark out, you can't see at all!!!!  The tiny sink area has a stainless steel sink and a very small vanity.  But the best part is the wallpaper.  It has huge pink flowers, trellis and the flowers are a shiny metallic.  The towel rack is broken off.

Each bedroom has terrible dull tan wallpaper.  It's down right depressing wallpaper.  The ceiling lights are ancient flush mounts that I forgot had even existed.

The whole front door was rotting and peeling and the surrounding glass above and beside was that bubble glass that was yellow.  I changed it all to the tune of five thousand bucks, but it sure looks better!

And.....the lovely new massive amount of carpet in the house is pink.  Yes....pink.  Like who picks that?  An old lady you say!!!!  Well you would be right!!!! It was an old lady that live here from the time the house was built in the early seventies til she died.

So looking at this house through those snotty people's eyes....I can only imagine!!!!  I think we would hear.....updating updating needs updating, that has to go, this whole thing needs gutting....ca ching ca ching ca ching.    Well it aint happening any time soon.  I have way more fun things to spend money on...like property taxes, income taxes, utility bills, gas and food.  Hahahaha!!!!!

Next time if you happen upon an episode of Househunters, just imagine they were going through my house!!!!!  And you know what?  I love my house!!!!  It's homey and comfy and just the right size in just the right town!!!!  TTYL

I will post pics of my sad house next post.

'Home alone!!! Expectation:  party party!!!!  Reality:  peeing with the door open.'  Anon

'Home...where I can look ugly and enjoy it.' anon