Odd Feeling

It is a very odd feeling when you see your children accomplish a feat, right before your very eyes. When I look back over the many years with my children, a few significant moments pop out. Moments when I stopped my body, stopped my brain, and just conciously took a moment to FEEL....this is my child and I am in the midst of a surge of powerful feeling of love, pride and joy. There is no other feeling on the whole planet that can equal that feeling. Oh, I am always proud of my kids, love them all the time and am happiest when I am with them. But only on a rare occasion does that whoosh of pride, love and joy fill my whole body.

I remember the time in Bamfield when the neighbour let Monte use his little boat anytime he wanted. Monte was about 16. We got a distress call from one of our customers that their boat crapped out way out in the Inlet. Monte hopped in his little boat and went out to find them. This inlet is dangerous and not a place to be without power. Quite a worrying while later, through the binnoculars, I spied Monte slowly making his way back to our dock, pulling four grown men in their disabled boat. That was one of those overwhelming moments...I was so proud of that kid at that moment I could have burst. I WAS in tears.

My daughter April has learning disabilities and accademics are very hard for her. She struggled and worked so damned hard to just simply pass. In grade nine, through her own extreme efforts and tenacity she managed to get herself on the honour roll. When it was her turn to go up and recieve her certificate she walked over, shook hands with the principal, and as she was walking off, she turned and raised her arms and waved her certificate in the air with a look on her face that I knew would be a huge struggle for her to ever replicate. I was in tears and so proud of that child I can't even explain it here.

I was sitting on the bottom stair at our old house, talking with my son Kevin. He lived with Tandy downstairs and I didn't see them all that often..they were both busy and kind of private. But now and then he would come upstairs to visit. He and I had been visiting for about ten to fifteen minutes and he was preparing to retreat back to the basement, when he oh so casually announced that they were pregnant with my first grandson. You have to understand that this was a kid that made it pretty clear he would NEVER have children. I didn't believe him at first but then when I saw the look on his face and how happy and excited and scared and ....oh everything!! he was I knew. Again, That unbelievable feeling whoooshed in. After he went back downstairs I just sat on the stairs feeling proud, and love and total joy for this child of mine.

And bless her heart, my darling Aryn, my bouncy brown eyed lively little Aryn gave me that amazing feeling again (she has a few times in her life) the other day. She ran a half marathon, a herculean task for this girl of bad lungs thanx to my smoking when I was pregnant with her, and at the busiest time of her life and having to fit in training. When she crossed that finish line, when I finally saw her arrive I once again experienced that overwhelming feeling of pride, joy and love. My tears kept me from getting a good picture of her. Before rushing off to find her, I took a moment to hang onto the fence and block out the noise and just closed my eyes and felt. My moment I think was just as powerful as hers. I was so so so proud of her.