Another lovely day at sea…almost. I had a truly panicky experience today. We skipped down for a liquid (coffee) breakfast…a fast one. We didn’t get up until 9 and we were attending a lecture on the solar system (why?) at ten. So we whipped down to the Lido, gorfed down a couple coffees and on down to mainstage. I found the lecture quite fascinating, but Bill kept falling asleep. That alone is bad enough but we were in the front row, the only ones up there, and the speaker could clearly see us. At one point I took a quick glance around and behind, and 90% of all those old people were asleep. How the hell would that feel if you were the lecturer? So I became very animated in my responses, engaged in much eye contact with him, laughed loudly at his jokes, hollered out answers to his general audience questions…..he must have thought I was a spastic.
After the lecture we shot up to the Lido and had a delicious light lunch (we are eating in the specialty restaurant tonite and want to be hungry) and back to our room. I want to have a shower and put something a little nicer on for this afternoon’s lecture, this time on Iceland, and dinner tonite. In our room, hanging on the wall are two lovely fluffy white bathrobes. So, after Bill left to go up to the library for a while, I decided to shower, use the bathrobe, put some make up on, pick out some jewelry etc…. I told him to stay away for a while and come back just before the lecture. So I did just that. A long lovely shower, lots and lots of hot water and their special bath foam stuff, I even used the special loopha thingy these spa staterooms come equipped with. I cursorily dried off and grabbed the bathrobe.
Laying out on the bed it looked huge. I grabbed it up, pushed my left arm all the way in and immediately noticed that the arm only reached my elbow, and it was tight. Oh well, whatever. So I pulled it around and pushed my right arm in, to the elbow and ..you know I should have quit at this point….but I didn’t. I swung both arms harshly forward, yanking that thing right on. Oh My God..I couldn’t move my arms further forward, or down and my shoulders were pulled up to my ears and my arms just ended up kind of hanging straight out in front of me and I couldn’t move them. Crap. The thing was definitely too small. Well, I couldn’t get the f…… thing off. It was stuck to me like shit on a blanket. I swung this way, I swung that way…and no matter how I gyrated, my arms would NOT come together or go back and my head was starting to swell into my neck and my lower arms and hands were tingling and turning cold. I simply could not get that bathrobe to budge. I tried absolutely every angle possible. At this point claustrophobia set in. I started to hyperventilate, and freak out a little. I ran around the room smacking into things, twisting and turning and then, oh god, I caught sight of my reflection in the giant mirror these cruise lines insist on lining the walls with. Big fat naked me, arms stuck out of the sides of my head, turning purple at the ends of them, bathrobe flapping about….What the hell!! It was an hour before Bill was due back, my arms would be clinically dead by then and I would be certifiably insane.
Well, I made myself stop and think. Focus in on the problem. I had a most brilliant idea!! I went over to the bathroom door, leaned myself awkwardly forward and opened it. I turned around and backed into it and got down on my knees, hooking the doorknob into the back of the neck of the robe, the robe bunched up onto the knob first (a really big knob that had room to hold most of it). Once it was securely held fast, I just slithered down onto the floor, the door knob effectively pulling the whole robe up and over my head and off my swollen arms. This sounds easy but it wasn’t. It took several tries and a lot of concentration all the while I am trying to block out of my mind what this all must look like. When I finally wrestled that thing off, I just took a moment on the floor to relax and recover. That stupid robe is back on the hanger and staying there.
Okay, I can hear some of you laughing….at me. But I tell you, it was NOT funny at the time. But, now we have been to dinner and now we are back in the room. This is what we ate:
a) delicate shrimp chips with beautifully served sauces(3) spicy and hot
b) three kinds of spring rolls and dip/large prawn tempura…absolutely divine!
c) delicious broth with lobster wonton, green onion and bamboo shoots
d) schezwan prawns (giant huge) deep fried in a light batter, hot pepper sauce, green pea pods etc.., jasmine rice and vegetables with mushrooms
e) tempura icecream balls, in a basket of thin thin nut brittle, a small dish of spicy hot peach salsa, and fruity cream sauce. Unbelievable.
Served in the classiest pan-asian dining room all covered in silk panels and such….15 bucks each!!! Paleo much??? I took pics and will post when I can. Now to bed and Torshaven, the Faroe Islands tomorrow…I can’t wait!! TTYL
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