POO AND TURLETS AND EMBARRASSMENT MAXIMA

We are having a ramp built on the side of the house.  It will make it so much easier to get in and out of the house, especially after one of our epic Costco trips!

We use this magical family team who have done all the other awesome work in our house.  Its such a magical thing to have builder peeps that you not only trust but really really like.  Some of the best visits we have is with them and their work is stellar.  There is a dad and two gorgeous sons and their gorgeous work friends. Elliott, the head cheese and dad, came in the other morning for coffee and a planning session.  I knew that someone was coming around nine yest morning to take measurements etc.  As such, I made sure Bill was dressed and ready to deal with this, unlike myself.

Suddenly April called up that someone was here and was coming in.  Holy Crap, I dashed to the bedroom.  I had brushed out my hair in preparation for washing so it was straight up and all over, I did not have my teeth in, so no front teeth, I had on giant, down to the knees, fluorescent green plaid shorts and the baggiest ugliest shirt you ever saw on and tall fluffy slippers.  I slammed the door and yelled out to Bill I wouldn't be coming out, in fact I was going to slip into the loo and have my shower.  Then I heard Michael (the youngest son) talking and it got louder and louder and into the bathroom he went.

Now normally that would be okay.  We keep it pretty clean and I had extra cleaned it the day before.  Then suddenly I remembered something and I was totally horrified!  HORRIFIED!!!  I was cleaning out a pot earlier.  It was full of brown, lumpy, thick beef gravy soup.  There was too much for one flush so I put in half, flushed and put in the rest.  It splashed around, (which pissed me off cuz the toilet was no longer clean) and it truly looked like someone had had the worst runs possible.  I left it because the toilet was still filling.  I figured I would flush and clean it later.  And now.....HE WAS IN THERE LOOKING AT IT!  And there is no way he would know that it was beef stew, and not ...well....you know.

A TRIP TO COSTCO, I FELL ASLEEP AT THE TABLE WAITING FOR BILL!


I risked being looked at and left the bathroom, found Bill, quickly told him to make sure he explain and I tore back into the bedroom, just in the nick of time!  He did tell him and explained what it was.  Usually they use April's bathroom but later when I was down there I went into her loo and would you believe it!? She had emptied a large bottle of salsa sauce into hers and had to leave it while the toilet filled and hadn't gone back.  I won't even describe what that looked like.!    TTYL!

THIS IS WHAT I LOOKED LIKE ONLY HAIR ALL OVER THE PLACE AND NO TEETH

FAT LADY STORE AND WALMART AND LUNCHES

Great weekend and a great day today.  Monte was here and I cooked up a storm of food for him to take home.  I made a whole Costco pack of ground beef into the biggest giantest pot of spaghetti ever.  Cookie, who was over for dinner Sat night, packaged it all up in zip lock bags for him to take home.  I also stuffed and roasted three chickens, of which one was bundled up into Monte's hockey bag too.  I made a massive beef roast/yorkshire dinner for Sat. night and he took those leftovers as well.  He told me that he had been bragging to his Port friends about my spaghetti and stuffing and couldn't wait to get them over to taste it.  Ahhhh, I feel like a real mom now....sending food off to the away kid.

Today was a weird eclectic day.  We left really early this morning for the Chinese Visa Centre to pick up our passports.  Easy peasy and fast.  We sat in the car for a minute in the parking lot afterwards just enjoying the fact that we were dressed, out and about already and no obligations...we could do whatever we wanted for the day.  So, after the initial "we are free" glow wore off a little it dawned on us that in actual fact we had nowhere to go.  Not really.  Costco?  Nope, didn't need anything.  Breakfast somewhere?  Nope, trying not to eat.  Shopping?  Nope, no room for anything.  Walk around Rice Lake? Nope, its pouring rain.  Jeez!

So I said that I could do with a stop at the fat lady store to check out new shirts.  So he said Okay, I will stay in the car and listen to the radio.  Off we went.

In the store there was only one other person shopping and two ladies (whom I know really well now) working.  I visited and meandered and looked and found a top that, just by looking at it, I could tell it would look good on.  You can just tell. And it wasn't even ever my type, believe me.  As I was looking at it one of the clerks came over and said, "I see you found my favourite shirt!"  And she had it on, and it looked amazing.  Her shape was completely different than mine but it seemed to be that kind of shirt, like the travelling pants in that movie.  The magic shirt!  So I tried it on and it looked fantastic!

When the other shopper saw this and heard us, she decided to try it on too.  She was really enormous, much bigger than the two of us but guess what?  It looked fantastic on her too.  So the other clerk decided to try it too and she looked fantastic.  So we all stood in a row in front of the big mirror, all wearing THAT shirt, laughing and we all looked good.  How does that happen?  I will take a pic and put it here.

We then went to Walmart and I found my favourite underwear!!!  You will never know what that means to a fat broad!  I am content with my day.

 THEY GET TO SLICK THE PAN AT THE END OF A ROAST DINNER

 LOOKS LIKE HELL HERE BUT THIS IS THE MAGIC SHIRT.  CRAZY WILD PRINT FOR ME.  I DON'T WEAR PRINTS BUT I AM TRYING TO BRANCH OUT.

 I THOUGHT THESE LOOKED SAILORISH.  ITS GOING TO BE TOUGH WEARING A PATTERN.  I WILL FEEL DISTRACTED AND DISEASED

 THE LITTLE ONE ALWAYS WINS IN THE END!

 WE MET ARYN AT WHOLE FOODS TO SMELL AND TRY STINKY CHEESES THE OTHER DAY.

 WE ALSO CHECKED OUT EVERYTHING ELSE

 THEN WE WENT UPSTAIRS TO MILESTONES AND HAD AN AWESOME VIRGIN DRINK OF SOME KIND AND THEIR DELICIOUS PRIME RIB HASH WITH POACHED EGGS

We also met April at Noodle House for lunch today.  I love having lunch with her.  She loves to eat and she has stories and she is funny.  Now we are home and sitting in front of our lap tops watching Judge Judy, the bitch!!!  Good day!!  TTYL

BUSY BUSY

God people can be brainless.  I was at the ferry terminal in Horseshoe bay parking lot waiting for the ferry.  There are five lanes to wait in.  Three park and wait (you have to stay in your car) and two drive on thru ones and of course they alternate.  If they didn't the people waiting would be trapped.  I ended up there for about forty minutes and was continuously amused by the incredibly dumb people that would pull up beside our line of cars and park...and leave!  Signs everywhere tell you not to leave your car.  The lady in front of me was trapped for quite a while.  The security people finally called a tow truck.  Right in the middle of hooking up his car, the driver came back.  If he hadn't been bald he would have ripped his hair out.  Its funny how people think exceptions should be made just for them.  So he ended up standing there, howling, watching his car being towed away.

After it left he turned around and saw me watching the whole episode.  He came flying over and yells, "Did you witness that?  Give me your name and number!!!!  I need a witness!!"  When he finally quit emoting I calmly told him I would happy to be a witness but I would be telling the judge that he had no right hold this lady up for so long and there are signs absolutely everywhere.  Can't he read? I asked.  Finally he called me a bitch at which point I started to get out of my car and told him I was calling security.  He took off.  Then turned around and came back and asked if he could USE MY PHONE!!!  Thats when I realized the poor guy was in a complete uncontrolled panic.  So I let him (I dialled).  He was grateful.  So much crazyness !  Sometimes I think I am a crazy magnet.

 LOOK WHO IS BACK FOR A DAY OR TWO

CLICK ON THIS ARROW...THERE IS NO PICTURE BUT IT WILL SHOW UP WHEN U HIT PLAY

 WHEN ONE PLAYS ALL THE OTHERS IN THE HOUSE WANT TO!!  ITS INFECTIOUS.

SLEEPING WITH HIS TOY

Now we are off to meet Aryn for blue cheese tastings and lunch and shopping and granddog sitting etc.... TTYL!

WARNING: NOT A NICE POST

You know when you are juicing and having dinners of snap peas, peppers and celery, you actually are hungry.  So thats okay.  I have spent a lot of years eating so I can do a little time right now.  I have found over the years that I am more successful with this dieting crap if I allow myself a limited, in some one or something else's control, a little treat or predictable  bit of food, just to relieve the....whatever.

So when I am juicing I allow myself one thing and only one thing to add on as extra food to eat....costco samples.  We go about every 3 or 4 days to stock up on vegetables.  So that is the perfect amount of exposure to the extra treats.

This week I have been sick.  Shivery, cold, headache, stuffed up, back ache, so I have NOT been going anywhere.  Except.....Costco!  As some of you know, we are Costco freaks.  Yesterday, I dragged myself up and got dressed and tightened that poof of mine, all to get some samples.  If not for that I would have stayed in bed.

As we pushed the cart down the aisle I could feel myself anticipating the first sample.  It was garlic bread, nice big pieces too.  The lady was cutting them up and popping them into little paper cups.  But....there was a line up.  A looooong line up.  What the hell?  I am hungry.  I did something I just never do.  I got in line.  Now, there is only one other thing that is more humiliating than being a fat broad standing in a food line, and that is accidentally being naked in that line.

I stuck it out.  I got the sample.  I enjoyed it.  On to the next.  I noticed that it was pizza and it wasn't out of the toaster oven yet and there was already a herd gathered waiting for the FREE FOOD.  I moved on.  The next one was at the back of the frozen food aisle, not the usual spot.  When I arrived, I think it was yoghurt, there were only two people there.  So, okay I think, I will wait for this one.  Suddenly, about 20 people barged over, apparently related some way or other to the two people in front of me and quite literally shoved me to the back and I could see there was no hope of getting a sample there any time soon.

Now I am getting pissed.  It became seriously clear that I was no match to these little people that are freaking pros at getting the FREE FOOD.  They were even lining up for the coffee samples and I know they don't drink coffee.  But its FREE.  So they forwent the usual hot water they always seem to want and took the coffee because it was FREE.

Near the front of the store their was a lady handing out granola bar samples.  I hate granola bars.  I always have.  But because it is an allowed extra and I am unusually hungry, and the sample lady was keeping way ahead and had lots of samples out and ready, I grabbed one.  It was okay but every little seed and oat ended up under my stupid dentures.  And it hurt.  I ended up having to go into the can and spitting it out and washing out my mouth and taking out my teeth and washing them.  Freaked out a little kid at the sink beside me.  "Mommy Mommy!! That lady is taking out her teeth!  Look Look!"  The mom gave me a disgusted look, kind of rolled her eyes and shook her head.  Jeez!  That was really the most dissatisfying trip I ever made to Costco.  Goddammit!!!

Iceland is the pics du jour.  Iceland has kind of entered my life again in a somewhat disturbing manner that I can't go into on this platform, but I felt the need to remind myself that it really is a beautiful, if somewhat odd,  kind of place.  I am grumpy, hungry and going to bed.  TTYL!!

WHAT THE HECK????

 I  NEVER KNOW WHERE THIS BLOG IS GOING TO PUT THE PICS AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT.  VERY RANDOM SHOTS TODAY.  I SHUT MY EYES AND SPUN THE DIAL.  THIS IS WHAT CAME UP.  MONTE AT HOME.

 I LANDED ON JEFF AND KATE'S WEDDING!  WE HAD SO MUCH FUN!

 BILL AND FRANK

 UNCLE JIM AND JILL

 JEFF

 KATE

 I DO BELIEVE THIS IS KATE'S BROTHER...HE WAS SO MUCH FUN

I got up yesterday morning ...  sick.  Thanks Bill.  The only upside of this is I am not so hungry.  And, we had to go to the Chinese Consulate for a visa, really early.  Thanks to my age and size I don't have to spend more than about three minutes getting ready.  I fall into previously picked clothes, put on shoes and coat and give my poof (as my rude kids call it) a tightening tug.   Ugh...it was snowing.  What the hell is with that?

The consulate is over on Broadway and Granville.  It was full full full, already.  There was nowhere to sit and our number was B130.  They were on B39.  And I am not sure why but every time we are there, a fight breaks out.  The frustrating part is I can't understand a word they are saying!  I love watching verbal battles but I wanna hear what they're saying.  The lady yesterday was screaming in chinese and bashing on the counter and whooping at the poor organize/security guard guy.

Not sure whats up for today.  I think we are going to London Drugs.  During the night I had a panicked scary episode.

As most of you know both Bill and I have CPAP machines that we use at night.  We call them gaspers.  The great thing about them is I can bury my head under blankets and pillows and block out all light, sound and world and still breathe.  I love it.  Its like going into my own private little world every night.  Sometime during the night I started dreaming about suffocating.  I was buried underground somewhere and slowly but surely I was suffocating.  Finally I awoke and my nose had become totally plugged.  The ONLY way you get air with a cpap is through your nose.  So when I woke up I simply could not breathe.  Needless to say I exploded up out of the bed gasping for air.  Today I must get otrivin.  I can't live without it and my little bottle is empty.

Random pic day again.  Usually I go find pictures before I blog and flag them.  Today I didn't even do that so it really will be a crap shoot.  TTYL

I SHOULD LISTEN TO MY MESSAGES

I never listen to my messages.  In fact the only reason the answering machine is on is because I accidentally pushed the button that turned it on.  I noticed that the little red light was flashing and the only way to get rid of it is to play the messages and delete as I went.

And alas!!!  About the second or third one in was a message from my awesome dentist office.  I completely and totally forgot and missed an appointment yesterday.  I feel so bad.  They are the most amazing dental team one could want and they just don't deserve this.  I shall be calling them Monday with huge apologies.  And, just a side note, not one call from Wiggins!!  Yet.

Yesterday I had promised April I would go futon hunting with her.  She shops like I do.  Find store.  Zip in and do a ten second scan or ask immediately if they have what we are looking for.  If its no leave immediately and go to next place.  We drove out to United Blvd., furniture row, and stopped at United , the cheapest of them all.  I kept the car running and in April went.  Within 30 seconds she was back out and beckoning me in.

Within five minutes we bought the perfect futon, dirt freaking cheap.  The lovely Iranian sales boy LIKED her!  And he gave her 100 dollars off an already stupidly cheap price!  Whilst we were waiting for the paper work we found this immense huge fun chair and took pics of us sitting in it.  April and Andrew are taking the truck to the warehouse today to pick it up.  I love fast shopping!

On the way home right near first ave. on the freeway she suddenly shouted "Bosas!!!!!  Lets go to Bosas!!!"  She had heard about Bosa's from us but had never been there.  So I swerved off the freeway and after a few deadends (not the easiest place to find) we got there.  Oh what a place!!  If you are even slightly a foodie this place is a must for you.  They have every kind of olive oil, vinegars, olives, cheeses, salamis, cooking utensils, coffees, crackers, pastas, dishes, pots and pans, frozen goods, baking, canolis,  pestos, fish, and on and on and on.  We had so much fun in there and the Italian boy that was giving out taste tests of the canolis fell in love with April.  Its so much fun shopping with her!!  The boys love her and I get to brag about how I made her!  Reminds me of when she and I were in Venice and Turkey.  The guys LOVED her!!!!

Then later after making the most amazing sandwiches (pics below) from the goodies we bought, we all piled into the Hersy Squirt and went down to Cap Mall.  When we got back Granddog (Sadie) whom we are doggie sitting this week end, had a veritable hay day picnic throughout our house.  We haven't had a lab for a very long time and forgot what pigs they are and how they have uncontrollable need to eat above all else in life.  By the time she was through she had eaten a bag of doritos, a bag of Marlin Jerky, a whole bag of Cobb's sourdough bread and half a box of timbits.  She got into the kids cupboard downstairs.  Then she took a dump on the basement hall floor.  Andrew said he knows the difference between the three dogs poops and this was definitely Granddog's.  Jeez and I just don't have the heart to give her hell.  She is such a character!!!

Enough now.  There is a day to start here and I am way behind starting it!!!  TTYL

 MONTE TOOK THIS PICTURE...AMAZING.  HE WAS ON THE SEAWALL IN STANLEY PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

 ELISE....SHE IS THE CUTEST LITTLE GIRL EVER!

 OUR SANDWICHES GETTING READY TO BE GEORGE FORMANNED

 APRIL MANNING THE GRILL