WARNING: NOT A NICE POST

You know when you are juicing and having dinners of snap peas, peppers and celery, you actually are hungry.  So thats okay.  I have spent a lot of years eating so I can do a little time right now.  I have found over the years that I am more successful with this dieting crap if I allow myself a limited, in some one or something else's control, a little treat or predictable  bit of food, just to relieve the....whatever.

So when I am juicing I allow myself one thing and only one thing to add on as extra food to eat....costco samples.  We go about every 3 or 4 days to stock up on vegetables.  So that is the perfect amount of exposure to the extra treats.

This week I have been sick.  Shivery, cold, headache, stuffed up, back ache, so I have NOT been going anywhere.  Except.....Costco!  As some of you know, we are Costco freaks.  Yesterday, I dragged myself up and got dressed and tightened that poof of mine, all to get some samples.  If not for that I would have stayed in bed.

As we pushed the cart down the aisle I could feel myself anticipating the first sample.  It was garlic bread, nice big pieces too.  The lady was cutting them up and popping them into little paper cups.  But....there was a line up.  A looooong line up.  What the hell?  I am hungry.  I did something I just never do.  I got in line.  Now, there is only one other thing that is more humiliating than being a fat broad standing in a food line, and that is accidentally being naked in that line.

I stuck it out.  I got the sample.  I enjoyed it.  On to the next.  I noticed that it was pizza and it wasn't out of the toaster oven yet and there was already a herd gathered waiting for the FREE FOOD.  I moved on.  The next one was at the back of the frozen food aisle, not the usual spot.  When I arrived, I think it was yoghurt, there were only two people there.  So, okay I think, I will wait for this one.  Suddenly, about 20 people barged over, apparently related some way or other to the two people in front of me and quite literally shoved me to the back and I could see there was no hope of getting a sample there any time soon.

Now I am getting pissed.  It became seriously clear that I was no match to these little people that are freaking pros at getting the FREE FOOD.  They were even lining up for the coffee samples and I know they don't drink coffee.  But its FREE.  So they forwent the usual hot water they always seem to want and took the coffee because it was FREE.

Near the front of the store their was a lady handing out granola bar samples.  I hate granola bars.  I always have.  But because it is an allowed extra and I am unusually hungry, and the sample lady was keeping way ahead and had lots of samples out and ready, I grabbed one.  It was okay but every little seed and oat ended up under my stupid dentures.  And it hurt.  I ended up having to go into the can and spitting it out and washing out my mouth and taking out my teeth and washing them.  Freaked out a little kid at the sink beside me.  "Mommy Mommy!! That lady is taking out her teeth!  Look Look!"  The mom gave me a disgusted look, kind of rolled her eyes and shook her head.  Jeez!  That was really the most dissatisfying trip I ever made to Costco.  Goddammit!!!

Iceland is the pics du jour.  Iceland has kind of entered my life again in a somewhat disturbing manner that I can't go into on this platform, but I felt the need to remind myself that it really is a beautiful, if somewhat odd,  kind of place.  I am grumpy, hungry and going to bed.  TTYL!!