Well, here we go again. Cruise time! And some things changed and some things stayed the same. This is going to be a very insulting and non-pc post. But it will be my truth. So if you are old, Asian, fat, low hair count (Monte’s words) and I am sure other things will come to mind, then don’t read this.
As we stood in the ridiculously long line to just get into the damn boat, I noticed one big difference. Asians. Hoards and hoards of them, in groups. And they are sooo LOUD. (shovel list). Clucking away like a bunch of chickens. It just gets really annoying. And if you aren’t really vigilant and careful a group will somehow magically and suddenly be in front of you, instead of behind like they were two minutes ago. Sneaky little buggers.
And as we were preparing for the cruise, Monte was extremely excited and curious, I was filling him in on what to expect. I told him that as of the last time I was cruising with his dad, there were basically no fat people anymore. As a matter of fact the gym would be so busy all the time that I wondered why people bothered to come. Stay home and go to your own gym, leave the tables in the cafe, which are ALWAYS full, (fucking shovel list) for those of us that are CRUISING, not exercising our brains out.
Well I am dead wrong on this one. There are a few older scraggy skinny women with super short grey haircuts, culottes, shiny bright running shoes, tight shirts and walking like they are on a VERY IMPORTANT mission.
But for every one of those there are 100 fat, and I mean waddling, thigh rubbing, big ass women. And there are huge paunchy men in tan pants and no peripheral vision. OMG!!! I can’t believe it! I am positively svelte and normal on this cruise.
There are also a lot of vacant, staring, led by their hand, people, old very old too. Its like the spouse ain’t giving up the cruising and dragging along their incapacitated mate, who doesn’t even know where he/she is. Whats the point?
Then there is Monte and me. Yeah. The last person I talked to thought he was my grandson. At least he hasn’t been mistaken as my husband yet. Creepy. One great thing about having him along is people don’t even notice me and my stupid hair anymore. They only see Monte and how big he is. He is counting how many times people ask how tall he is.
Right now I am sitting downstairs in the bottom of the boat in the coffee area. I beat an Asian couple off and managed to snag a table. We can see up three floors from here. The boat is a’rockin’ like crazy. Big big seas out there and half the people are old and crippled with walkers and canes. And they fall. Three broken wrists so far, I overheard. Everybody is hanging on to each other for dear life. So I am sitting here watching for the next one to bite the dust. Why don’t they just find somewhere to sit and stay there. Oh yeah, that’s right. There is NOWHERE to sit.
Well I may move which means signing off for now. A trio of string instruments, which gets annoying after a while, are about to launch into an hour of baroque music. Very tedious and ear bending. Later!! TTYL
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