I WANT A BATH

I really do want a bath.  But you may remember, my bath is made for midgets, and only skinny assed midgets at that.  When I sit in the tub, which I did once, my thighs are higher than the tub.  Who makes tubs like this?  Before, I was willing to take the chance that I would need help getting out of that tiny piece of crap.  But that was when Spod was here.  I didn't mind him seeing me starkers, stuck in a tub.  But tonight?  Its only Monte here and there is no way in hell would I ever let him help me.  I would make him call the fire department.

 And I know that they help out fat broads in those delicate matters.  One of Spod's nephews is a fireman.  When he came to visit Bill (I am pretty sure it was him, some things are kind of foggy from right around then)  Johnny told me that a large woman, naked and fat, fell between the toilet and tub and got stuck.  It took his fire department to get her unstuck.  It was such a funny story!!  And 'fat naked lady stuck in tub' is almost an urban legend.

Well I got another visitor in the night.  Just outside my window, my wide open window, there is a table.  On that table is a vase full of old dead flowers.  I say 'is' cuz its still there.  But what woke me up was that vase crashing to the ground, and how it didn't break is beyond me.  I woke up with a jolt, whipped around and there was this giant huge racoon half in my window!  

I am NOT one of those people that think racoons are cute.  They are horrible nasty ill tempered hump backed ugly vermin and it was not leaving.  I yelled and swung my arms around.  Nope.  So I grabbed my shoe, the nearest thing I could grab, and threw it as hard as I could.  Keep in mind I was only about three feet from him.  I hit him.  Hard.  Right in his ugly mug.  He flipped over backwards and took off at a hundred miles an hour.  There's times I feel the need for a shotgun.  Racoons and deer would be gone.  Oh and noisy blue jays that hog all the birdfeeder food.

And while I am in a killing mood…I might as well shoot the neighbour dog who won't shut the hell up!!!

A lot more dramma than I needed happened today.  But I will talk about that tomorrow.  TTYL

BARKING

I truly want to kill that dog

You know the one, it sounds like a frog

It barks all day and especially at night

I tell the owner…this isn’t right

I hate that dog and all its crap

all I want to do is take a nap

but obviously not!! I cannot sleep

Silence is not something he can keep

No matter how I scream and yell

that stupid dog takes me straight to hell

it barks and barks and won’t shut up

oh how I hate that noisy pup

Gimme a shotgun

And not just for fun

gimme the ammo

my job will be done