When I was fourteen, living in Kitsilano, Mom had promised us two girls we would get a sewing machine if we could make a dress by the age of fourteen. We could.
But then, in our wisdom, we actually didn't want a sewing machine. Kathy chose a camera, which she got, probably an old brownie. I chose a typewriter. Even then I loved to write. And I received a huge heavy used Underwood. I was delighted.
One day, not long after getting it, the neighbour came over for something or other....to talk to mom. This fellow was massively overweight. And as they stood there conversing, he, like all of us overweight people, needed to sit. So he perched himself on my typewriter that was sitting there on a desk, and totally destroyed it! He bent the whole carriage down to the point it couldn't type anymore. I had had it about one month. I was heartbroken!
I had gone through hell earning that thing. I positively hate sewing. It is the most tedious, stomach clenching, detailed endeavour...and all you end up with are clothes that look homemade. I took sewing at school and I made my own clothes at home til I made dresses...just to get a typewriter that some fat man ruined. (SHOVEL LIST)
Well, last week there was a knock at my door. A massive overweight man was standing there with identification in his hand. I was expecting someone from strata....to check the deck. I guess they were having problems with some of the decks and needed to check them all out. And, sure, why not send the biggest human that can still walk, out to check decks? Makes sense to me. Step out sir, please, and if the frigging thing doesn't collapse it passes the test!
Anyway, when he was finished he came back in and stood on the threshold of the doorway between the dining room (and I use that term loosely) and the kitchen. He talked for quite a while...an interesting conversation. He saw my tiffany lamps and I guess in his spare time made stained glass things. I learned a lot about the process I must say. He wasn't that old and I had him pegged more of a Star Trekker and gamer type guy. Well wasn't I wrong!
Anyway, he had been there for a while when we heard a crack come from his lower area. He stepped back and sure enough, he had cracked the wooden threshold, length wise. Dammit!!!!! He then gave me instructions on how to fix it. I would have told him to fix it for me as HE was the one that broke it but I know for a fact he would not be able to bend over to do it.
I keep a running list of things that need fixing in this place so I added that to the list. When the time comes I shall hire someone to come in and tackle all the fixers I can't do myself. When I die and come back to earth I am going to come back as a handyman....way more useful than a retired mortgage broker who cooks and plays the piano. (shovel list) TTYL
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