JUST IN CASE

On the very very slim chance that a husband or teenagers are reading this, I want to explain something that they maybe just aren't aware of.  And I am certainly not talking to the husbands and teens out there that DO know.  I don't want to insult people but…

Shopping.  (SHOVEL LIST).  As I have said before I am not a happy shopper.  Gift shopping I don't mind.  Its fun and I find it fairly easy.  No, I am talking about groceries…big big grocery shopping trips.  These trips only happen before holidays or big events…which you are doing all the planning, shopping and cooking for.

First, you have to create the menu, keeping everyone's allergies, lifestyles and dislikes in mind.  Next you get a big spiral notebook and go through the menu and make a giant list of all the stuff you need that you either don't have or don't have enough of.  And the final pre shopping task is to then organize that list into dairy, produce, aisles and frozen, making sure the groups are in the order the store is laid out.

Keys, wallet, phone, loony and list…out you go.  Superstore is my only option.  At this time of the year you can't even get into the Costco parking lot, let alone the store.  Superstore isn't much better.  Today I got a pretty good parking spot.  But I had to walk all over the parking lot looking for a shopping cart.  And I mean everywhere!

So, being honest here, I spent 700 bucks on groceries today.  And my buggy was full, top and bottom to the point of stuff falling out.  That took two full hours, walking all over that massive store, carefully completing the list.  I got it all except for three things.  Whipping cream, eagle brand and frozen puff pastry.  WHAT THE HELL STUPIDSTORE!!!!  ITS FREAKING XMAS.  THE TIME OF YEAR WE BUY WHIPPING CREAM, EAGLE BRAND AND PUFF PASTRY!!!!!!  The same thing happened last year for heaven's sake!  Can't they predict? plan?  This just pisses me off and every year when this happens I swear to God I am never ever setting foot in that stupid store ever again.  Yet here I am.
I can hear some of you thinking "why not shop earlier?"  But I want to shop when the fresh stuff on the list will still be fresh on xmas day.

Now I find a cashier that only has five people in front of me.  I read trashy mags whilst I wait.  Bruce Jenner is making himself into a woman.  I could have told you that…he looks like a weird mix of man/woman anyway.  Finally there is space growing on the conveyer belt.  I start the looooong process of unloading the buggy onto the belt, even the very heavy stuff on the bottom.  I opt for no bags, its just faster.  So I go to the end and start reloading all that crap into the buggy.  It takes forever and its a good thing I was a tetris pro.

Now out to the car to unload that buggy load.  I say this so easily.  My fifteen pound bag of potatoes lost its tag and spilt potatoes all over.  My bag the onions were in busted…onions everywhere.  The lid came off a deli tray…cheese cubes and pepperoni all over the floor.  And as I was putting the groceries into the car, the lid came off the caesar salad. 'sigh'

Now I am putting it all into the car.  How many times is that so far? In to the buggy, out of the buggy, back in to the buggy and then out into the car.  So four times now.  And because the flipping store didn't have THREE items I have to stop at another store, an expensive one so it isn't too crowded.  I drag my ass on very sore knees and feet into that store and cover it back and forth looking for those three items.  Finally I get it all and drive home.

And yes, now for the fifth time.  No one was around to help, wouldn't you know it!  So I go find bags and start hauling crap into the garage, to the freezer, to the garage fridge, to the garage shelves, into the house, here there everywhere, going slower and slower and slower.    So whats that? Five times?  And then finally I go to all those spots and put 700 bucks worth of groceries away…number six.

Now I am so tired I can't function.  My brain is drained, my body is at the end of its rope and I head for my trusty chair and collapse.  Do they know this?  or even care?  and really why should they?  Someone's gotta do it.  I sit in my chair and be a hero in my own head…for five minutes anyway!
TTYL