COZY COZY

I am sitting in the coziest room I think I have ever stayed in!  What a wonderful way to end a long but meaningful day.

First off, Monte left his one good shirt at home.  And he is pretty large right now, thus limited in what and where he can buy anything.  (sorry Monte but you are pretty honest about this)  Off we went to Moore's at Park and Tilford. Whilst he went in long enough to be told to just turn around and leave, nothing there in his size, I popped in to Fat Lady Store next door.  I forgot my funeral outfit shoes!  And they sell shoes.  But none suitable for me.

Off we went to Mark's Workwear World Warehouse or what ever the hell it is.  And they had ONE shirt in his size in there.  Not my fave colour but at least he has a decent shirt to wear.

We then headed to the Rusty Gull to meet with Claire and his lovely wife Tish for lunch.  April, Monte and Aryn came along and honestly it was truly a touching wonderful time.  Claire was Bill's closest, dearest and longest friend I think he has ever had.  It meant more than words can describe for us to see him, and I was so happy he brought Tish.  I had not seen her in a very long time.  Such true dear friends and we are going to have lunch again next Thursday!  Bill would be so happy.  And Claire….I will let you buy lunch next week!!!

We headed straight up to Kamloops.  Monte drove, such a good driver he is.  I am having to learn how to relax and just let him drive.  I have spent so many years driving with Spod, who seemed hell bent on killing us.  We stopped in Merritt and I bought some awesome ankle boots to wear.  I am going to tell everyone I got them in London.  They will never know they were forty bucks at Walmart.

I stopped at the Fat Lady store here in Kamloops and picked up some nifty stuff…way better funeral outfit than I had picked out before.  I like the store up here better than either North Van or Victoria.  Then on to Kathy's.  New baby Ainsley was here for a while.  So cute!!!  Now to sleep.  Gotta get up early and meet a funeral director tomorrow morning.  So I am going to hunker down in this soft warm enveloping old bed in this cozy cute room.  I love it.  The window is open so the room is cool and I can hear wind in the trees.  (actually I think it might be highway traffic but it sounds like wind..so I shall pick that.)  Nitynite all  TTYL

IT'S FOR SURE NOW….I AM GOING TO HELL

I am talking about swearing.  Don't get me wrong…I LOVE technology.  I have ipads, iphones, three laptops for three different purposes, apple tv, a usb pen that puts anything I write or draw on my laptop, etc…  But jeez!!! when they don't work I go instantly crazy.  Kind of like some people near constantly barking dogs.  Or people in horrible traffic.  Or some of us seated next to a screaming, endlessly screaming baby on an airplane.  Or if you get stuck in a looooong stupid line up in Stupidstore.

Actually, I am known to teach more than one renegade vacuum with a mind of its own to fly….out the back door of the current home.  I think I have already blogged about that.  

So, when something techie doesn't work, I go bezerk, start swearing like I never had a religious upbringing, throw other stuff around, (I would never ever throw my treasured tech stuff, at least not yet) then, when it doesn't work after another try I have been known to start crying…like a giant freakoid baby.  I absolutely hate it when tech crap doesn't work.  I feel helpless because its too complicated to understand, let alone know how to fix it.

So tonight I am in the North Vancouver hotel…again.  I had a stellar day with first Monte then April.  Monte drove us from Vic to Van this morning, dropping me off at Cap Mall.  April and I had immediate success…she found not one, but two amazing dresses.  We then popped into a shoe store and instantly found the perfect shoes and tights.  And we had a hoot doing it.  

We then went to her beautiful new apartment.  It was elegant but homey and so perfect for them.  She made a delicious pork roast with root veggies (including parsnips..a fave of mine).  We made the music cd for Spod's funeral.  So sad and so hard to do.  I am glad I was there with her when I did it.

And that brings me to the tech problem.  (shovel list to the power of infinity).(plus one).  Nothing wrong with my stuff, its the wifi here.  Seriously!  I watch the wifi thingy and it says searching searching searching, then for maybe ten seconds wifi kicks in, then its back to searching.  So freaking annoying!!!!!  Its going to be fun to try to post this post I tell ya!  I even tried to go on this hotel's website to bitch and it won't load.  Dammit!!!  TTYL

PACKING PACKING

There are a lot of details to prepare for a funeral.  Music, photos, programs,obituaries, testimony, food choices, urn/no urn, hotels, clothes…on and on.  Good to be busy!

Today was getting stuff together and packing.  The house is super clean thanks to my sister so no last minute panic cleaning.

Monte got home tonight, along with more laundry.  Its good to have him back here.  Now I can get all my stuff carried around and lifted and the truck packed…haha…ah, I love havin' him here too!

April called this morning kind of upset.  She had nothing to wear for the funeral and totally didn't want to go 'funeral' shopping.  So I suggested we change it to 'interview for jobs' clothes shopping instead and we could hit Cap Mall tomorrow!  Yay!!  We haven't done that in forever so now we are all excited about shopping.  I am really looking forward to seeing their place tomorrow.  It sounds like they are very happy and proud of it.

Now its time for bed.  Gettin' up really early and packing it up.  TTYL

COLESLAW FOR ONE PLEASE

Well I made my very first official 'dinner for one' tonight.  Not that I was making very many  dinners for Spod anymore.  My measuring stick on when to make a formal dinner for two was how many times the dishwasher was full of bowls..rather than plates.  Eventually I would make a plate dinner..you know, protein, starch and two veg.  Then we would snap right back to bowls of slops.  So tonight I made a giant bowl of coleslaw. 

 I LOVE coleslaw.  I buy those big giant bags of shredded cabbage and proceed to eat them over a few days.  They are especially good with my homemade thousand islands….one to two cups of mayonaise, enough ketchup to make it the right colour (light pink), half to one cup of sweet green relish and one tablespoon of white sugar.  Sooooo good.  

I didn't move much today.  After Kathy left this morning I made some toast and coffee and hunkered down in my purple room and watched season eight of Dexter.  Pretty brutal.  And I finalized the program for the funeral and for those looking, his obituary will be in the Sun tomorrow and Kamloops news as well.  The poor dogs are getting bored so I think I will take them out for a while tomorrow.

I phoned Don at the condo in Maui today.  I told him about Bill and he was pretty upset.  He has said he will help me  clear the place out and get the car sold.  I must also phone Claire…I need to move our lunch date to Thursday..I can't get over there early enough on Wednesday.  And I have about a million more things to arrange.  Monte told me tonight he will stay with me for a while when we get back next week.  He will help me clear out the garage once and for all.

Now its time to get to bed.  Early day tomorrow.  TTYL

FLOYD'S/WALMART FAIL/COSTCO WIN/GOLDSTREAM FAIL/AWESOME EVENING

Floyd's:  Kathy and I were sitting around this morning drinking coffee when suddenly Kathy remembered we were going to go to Floyd's Diner for breakfast.  So we tore around and threw our duds on and bolted out the door.  Mmmmmmm….THE place for breakfast!  It was full and busy and the food delicious.  We had a great time.

Walmart:  When Monte bought his jeep he immediately put one of the scented tree things on his mirror.  It was "Leather".  Absolutely delicious smell.  So I snagged one for my car and when Kathy smelled it she wanted one.  I knew Monte bought them at Walmart.  Off we went and into Walmart…I say so easily.  I don't know what the deal was today but every single person in Langford was out and about…the crowds were insane!!  We found the rack of them but….no leather.  Dammitt!!!  So we drove over to Canadian Tire and success!  They had them!

Goldstream:  I thought it would be a nice treat to go out to Goldstream park.  Its beautiful there.  Off we went, arrive, drive around and around and about one and a half million other people had the same idea.  Jeez!!  All of a sudden a million people have to visit the park?  So we left.

Costco:  Good visit there.  I needed a pepper shaker, big FULL size chocolate bars for Em and Austin to hand out here at the house Halloween night whilst I am gone and a toaster.  A two slicer now that I can't actually can't eat four pieces of toast at once.  

Then we came home and I made Lamb stew while Kathy cleaned.  Then we watched more Chopped and Emily came out for supper and we had a lovely evening.

Now it is time for bed.  I have dogs curled up all over my floor and beside me.  My buddies.  TTYL

KATHY WORKED HARD AND I DIDN'T

Kathy is so efficient.  Its a pleasure just to watch her operate.  She has motored through my house, organized things, did the laundry, vacuumed everywhere, all the while running up and down the stairs.  Man, she is truly amazing.  And me?  I sat in my chair, watched tv, cooked some chicken, folded some clothes, looked for stuff, felt useless.  I seem to have hit a bit of a lethargic low.  I still can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that I can't ever tell Bill anything ever again.  Now and then it kind of sinks in and I feel sick.  It will be better after the funeral I am sure.

Tonite we packed up some pea soup and headed into Austin's place.  And it was awesome!  He rents part of an old old house full of little rooms and crooks and corners.  Love it!  And he had a huge stack of records.  My heaven it was like I had died and gone to record land.  A lot of them are so familiar, I have owned so many of those years ago.  It was like finding old friends.  We listened to music while we ate soup and delicious open faced baked sandwiches.  So good.

We left there and went to a hockey game between Vancouver and Victoria.  Austin and I sat together and Kathy and Em sat elsewhere.  Such good visiting and good hockey.  It felt like the right move to be out amongst people.  Tomorrow night Austin is taking us to a surprise movie.  I can't imagine what that could be!  I love surprises.

After we got home we had a yummy drink a lovely person showed us years ago.  Advocat and lemonade on ice.  So delicious…tastes like lemon pie.  We watched some cooking shows and now its time to hit the hay.  TTYL

PEAS PORRIDGE HOT, PEAS PORRIDGE COLD, PEAS PORRIDGE IN THE POT, NINE DAYS OLD

Well it isn't nine days old yet but boy is there ever a huge pot of pea soup in my fridge.  And it is delicious.  

Tomorrow I am going to make Mom and Kathy's curried fried chicken.  Mmmmmm…its so good.  I will then freeze it and take it up to Kamloops with us.

We went to bulk barn today.  Gads!!!  What an awesome place.  They have EVERYTHING!  We found split peas…in abundance.  And we found a pumpkin pinata and tons of appropriate candy to stuff it.  On the sunday after the funeral we are going to have a little birthday party for Fenton and Elise.  Both their birthdays are in October.

Kathy and I got all the laundry done.  Actually I will say Kathy did.  She basically did it all.  I hate doing laundry…I would rather stir the soup.  Thats about all I did today..she did the work.

After eating dinner down at the Checkered Flag we came home and had a Chopped marathon.  Such fun watching endless cooking contests, all the while making horrible fun of the contestants.  And not one of the horrible comments can be repeated here!

I miss my Spod.  I can't count how many times I think…'wow, I must make sure to tell Bill this" then remember.  I feel like there is a hole in my life now.  It all happened so fast, no time to think. I woke up really early this morning and wrote his obituary.  He did so many things in his life.  I just wish I could talk to him one more time.  TTYL

BAD POST

I am so sleepy and tired (in a good way) I shouldn't be posting.  When I read these posts the next day I sometimes regret what more I have exposed about my sad sack life.

Today was a good one.  I managed to get three more containers emptied into the kitchen.  I answered a ton of awesome emails.  And we sat around some and visited and drank coffee.  Then we hit the trail, I had an appointment with my BCAA person, Marci and then Parker had to go in for grooming and nail grinding.  Had a great visit with Marci and Parker was all happy going into the groomers.  

We then went and did some shopping.  Winners, Serious Coffee, Superstore, pick up Parker and home.  We were going to make eggplant parmesan but when we read the recipe, we noticed we didn't have half the ingredients.  So Kathy cooked, in the wok, onion/garlic, chopped cabbage, mmmm sooo good and chopped up eggplant.  I made home made thousand islands to go with wedge salad topped with bacon bits.  Its so good and easy to make:  mayonaise (the amount that you want), squirt in ketchup (the real stuff, not that low carb crap), and no name green relish.  I also add a tablespoon per cupish of sugar.  Mmmmmm  sooo good.  Good dinner, but we were hungry by ten oclock.  Had to go make a tomato sandwich and a little cottage cheese.

I removed all ham off the bone we had left over from the other night.  We can use the sliced ham up in Kamloops next week.  I cut up onion and ham, took the bone and filled the big pot with hot water and put it on to boil.  I added some chicken oxo..the kind that Costco doesn't sell anymore (shovel list).  Now the stove is off and it will take all night for the soup stock to cool.  Tomorrow we will have to try to find some split peas, today everywhere we went they were sold out of them.  Pea soup time!  We are taking some to Em's and Austin's saturday night for dinner.  We are going to a WHL hockey game that night.

Then Em came out and we ate and we watched Beat Down Bobby Flay…or something like that.  I love cooking network competitions.  Now its definitely bed time.  I am falling asleep.  I must start posting earlier when I am more awake.  A lot happens that I don't mention cuz I am just too sleepy.  Anywhoo..TTYL

SOMETIMES DOLLAR STORE PRODUCTS FAIL

Last night Kathy had made me a delicious wacky cake with white vanilla icing.  Instead of candles she thought it would be cool to get sparklers…and she did, from the dollar store.  Not that that should make a difference.

The only fire we had was an old old box of wooden matches.  With sparklers at the ready, Aryn takes a match, from the end of the box that had gotten wet at some time in its life and as such, the red part of the match is burnable but soft.  As she scraped the match down the rough strip the red stuff came off the match, stuck to the box and caught fire!!  She quickly scraped it back and forth and put it out.  I showed her which end of the box to take out a match..the other end was dry and fine.

Finally she started to light everybody's sparklers….and they went nuts!  They sprayed freaking hot sparks and hot metal all over the place, including on the table, on our hands, on the floor, on my chair and when I pushed back..up my shorts!!!  It HURT!!!  But then we were laughing so hard we weren't helping matters much.  When all was said and done we have burn holes in the table and way up my personal space.  It still hurts!

Today we didn't leave the house…my fave kind of day.  We spent a lot of time on our devices looking up pictures for the funeral, tickets for the hockey game friday, houses in Kamloops, etc…  We also did unload a few of the kitchen containers..putting things back.  Kathy did a huge amount of cleaning and she reheated last night's dinner for us tonight.  Delicious!  We then spent the evening visiting, watching cooking competitions and visiting with Monte.  Now its blog time and email answering.  I will post a few pics of last nite's fiasco!  TTYL

STRIKING THE BOX WITH A MUSHY MATCH

PUTTING OUT THE FIRE

THE LOOK ON MY FACE SAYS IT ALL

SEE ME ALL BENT OVER THERE?  WELL I AM ATTEMPTING TO GET THE HOT SPARKLE OUT OF MY SHORTS…NOTE THE LACK OF SYMPATHY

BURN HOLES

MORE BURN HOLES

YET MORE BURN HOLES

AWESOME BIRTHDAY!!! BITTERSWEET

What a mixed, but lovely, day.  This morning we kind of just bumbled around the house.  April 
made her delicious scrambled eggs, toast, tomato salad and bacon.  Yummm!!

Noonish, Kathy and I headed downtown.  Our first stop was at the Fat Lady store.  And let me just say here….The Secret is full of crap.  There was NOTHING in that store that would work!  NOTHING!!  I wandered through, looked at tops and jackets and ended up getting two bras (they were on sale) and a pair of tights that may or may not fit.  Sigh!  I am just not meant to dress nice.  But there was some beautiful jewelry at the till and Kathy bought me a beautiful necklace and cuff bracelet for my birthday!  

We left there and headed to the hospice.  I had to pick a couple of things up.  I was glad to go back.  It was kind of closure.  I took her up to the garden first..and they were so beautiful and peaceful in the weak but definitely there sunshine.  We then went downstairs to the ward and I showed her Bill's rooms etc..  ran into one of the counsellors that I had made friends with.  I am glad we went back.

We then met Aryn and April at  the 4 mile pub.  What a lovely place.  We had delicious lunch and a free surprise birthday dessert.  It was a lot of fun and the perogies were amazing!

After a quick bit of shopping at Millstream, we came home and had a blast.  The kids had decorated the table with banners and balloons and awesome pretty plates and napkins.  We visited, looked at real estate listings, swung many phone calls and messages, made dinner…watched Chopped and Bobby Flay, ate dinner, welcomed Emily and Austin.  


At one point right after dinner, Monte sat down at the piano and played 'Earth at Heart'.  Now this particular song he wrote was his dad's favourite and will forever be Dad's song.  I couldn't help it, I started to cry which created a crying chain reaction around the table.  We all sat there crying through the song that so reminded us of Bill, whilst Monte had no idea whatsoever what his music had created behind him!  Finally he finished and turned around.  There we all were crying but telling him how much we enjoyed it.  So mixed.

Now I am posting this as I am fighting sleep.  I will tell you about something that happened tonite that not only was the funniest thing ever, but actually did permanent damage on something, tomorrow night.  Too tired right now.  I will also post some pics tomorrow.  TTYL

FAT LADY FUNERAL CLOTHES

Ah fer jeez,  here we go again.  The outfit I wore for mom's funeral will not do for this one.  Waaaay too hot.  And I don't know about you, but stress sweat is not cool.  And as I have said before, dresses are out.  Fat ladies in dresses look like giant table cloths on the move.  Again…not cool.

  Tomorrow Kathy and I have to go back to the hospice to pick up a couple of things I missed.  I am kind of glad.  I can show her where Bill spent his last days.  On our way back we can pop in to the Fat Lady Store.  With any luck there will be a most awesome slimming, off black (stunning in vogue grey perhaps) comfortable, sophisticated outfit just waiting for me on a mannequin just inside the door.  And it will be in my size.  There…just putting it out there.  The book called the Secret says that thats all you have to do.  So you think, so it shall be.

Today we packed up Billyboy's clothes and things.  He had three cabinets and it was sure interesting what he had squirrelled away in them.  There were at least four shavers, two sets of clippers, electric never used toothbrushes, bullets, shamwows, book on blasting, five gaspers (cpaps), four blood testing kits, many many many tubes of polysporin in various stages of use, bottles and bottles of various vitamins…all outdated, potions, lotions, ointments, pills, antihistamines, snippers, clippers, foot paraphernalia, lint rollers, many power bars and extension cords etc…., travel plugins etc….

His favourite native art, artwork, and things he has acquired over the years we are, of course, keeping.  I have a feeling that some of his kids or grand kids might be interested in having something to remind them of him.

Tomorrow night we are having my birthday dinner.  We are going to have ham, scalloped potatoes, asperagus,  beet and goat cheese salad and wacky cake with white icing.  I am looking forward to it.  We also have to kind of finalize funeral plans and I must take care of some bills, house selling, and mail.  I am sure it will all come together just as it is supposed to.  Another thing I am putting out there.  I am depending on The Secret being accurate.  I shall report back tomorrow evening how the fat lady funeral clothing shopping went!  TTYL

Personal note to Claire:  I am going to call you Claire…as soon as I think I can get out a whole sentence without starting to cry.  You meant the world to Bill and I don't just want to talk to you over the phone.  I want to come and have lunch at the Rusty Gull with you.  I think I will come over before going up to Kamloops for the funeral.  It will probably be around Wed. the 29th.  April wants to come too.  But I promise I will call you before that to make sure you can make it….Love Helen 

NOT REAL

It doesn't feel real, Bill being gone.  But those moments when it sinks in and it IS real, is when it becomes so hard.  I have known that man a long long time and even though I complained about him a lot, we were totally joined at the hip.

Kevin and Tandy departed early today.  Back to their busy busy life.  Myles left this afternoon, leaving April behind.  Aryn is here too and tomorrow Kathy is coming down.  My cousin Dorothy dropped by tonight with a beautiful ham, and tomorrow I shall make some scalloped potatoes to go with it.  What a lovely thing to do.

We spent some time today thinking about our visits with Bill in the hospital/hospice.  Of course we then started to remember some of the crazy things this family has done over the years.

 Goofing off, he actually ran over both Kevin's and Monte's feet, at different times.

  We almost ended up having to sleep in the car in freezing weather in Cordova, Spain, because we didn't start looking for a hotel soon enough.

  Throwing out a load of garbage over a garbage dump cliff in Portugal, he threw the rental car keys out with it.  That was a bad one.  He had to climb down the side of the cliff to the Heyman garbage and find them.  And it was the ickiest garbage you ever saw and really really steep and slippery.

  In a terrible wind and rain storm in northern Scotland, he was desperate for a bathroom, and none were to be found.  He finally simply had to do a squatter behind a lonely LOCKED park bathroom house.  He learned that day why one must never do their business in a very very windy location! 

He also learned not to sit on the top of an upright  wheeled suitcase.  Before you could blink your eyes, it shot out from under him and he landed flat on top of that suitcase, arms and legs waving like an upside down dung beetle.  I couldn't help him cuz I was laughing so hard.  When he finally rolled off onto his hands and knees, he couldn't get up.  Eventually a good samaritan passing by stopped and got him under his arms and helped pull him up.  That was all in the parkade under the canada place cruise docks.  I still laugh when I think of it!

So many crazy things.  And it was cool listening to Jim and Jan's kids talking about events that happened with him before my time.  The trips to Hawaii, the trips to Prince George etc…It showed me a glimpse into his life before me.  He never talked about it much but clearly he led a pretty busy involved life.

On another note, the funeral will be held at 1 or 2 (I will confirm the time in tomorrow night's post) on Nov. 1st (Sat) at the Shoening Funeral Home in Kamloops.  I will post the address etc.  closer to the first.  Aryn will do the eulogy and Monte is going to do those of us that have something to say but for whatever reason we just can't say it in front of crowds, a big favour.  He has offered to read your message for you.  He already has three he is going to read for people.  So please feel free to either tell your story yourself, or if you prefer have Monte read it for you.  There are those that may not be able to attend but wish to have their say.  Scheonings has a lovely big facility that we can use for the reception afterwards.

So on that note I am going to hit the hay.  Tomorrow we are going to pack up his things.  Monte is going to take Bill's things up to his friend Pat in Port Alberni and he will distribute them amongst his needy friends and to the Bread of Life second hand shop.  Bill would be pleased to know that his stuff will be happily accepted by so many. TTYL

MY BILLY

He just quietly slipped away at five to four in the morning.  I had a visit from Kevin earlier for a couple of wonderful hours.  As Bill's breathing became a little more laboured and noisy, we visited right beside him.  I know he could hear our oh so familiar voices as we chatted back and forth.

After Kevin left Monte came back for an hour and a half.  I rested and he played a game on his device of some sort.  Now and then we would talk to each other.  Bill's breathing didn't change much.  Around two the nurses came and gave him a shot to calm his gurgly breath, dry it up for him.  They turned him over so that he was facing my way.  I was not able to sleep so I just watched him and sang a little and talked to him.  He was very peaceful.  A little after three I dropped off to sleep.

At five to four I jolted awake from a deep sleep.  I immediately looked over and saw him take two breaths, very quiet ones.  I lay back and just then the nurse came in.  She went to him and then quietly told me that he had taken his last breath.  She kindly left me with him for a while.  Finally I packed up his things and phoned the house.  Monte said he would come and get me.  Monte arrived a half hour later and we sat with Dad for a while and just took him in.  His face was calm and beautiful.

The longest I have been away from Bill is about one week years ago.  Its going to take a while for me to get used to the empty space beside me.  I think I may be a little rusty at living without a confidant, gossiper, sharer and best best friend.  I loved him hugely and I will miss him hugely.  The last song I sang to him was "My buddy, my pal".  TTYL

PEACEFUL

The internet has crapped out here in this room.  I haven’t got the heart to ask the nurses why.  So I am going to do this in my word processor and then try to post down in the lounge.  If it won’t then I must send my lappy home with someone to post.  I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea if there isn’t a post!

He is at peace right now, more so than before.  His throat was all gurgly and he couldn’t breath very well.  They have given him something that dries all of that up and he is so much more comfortable now.

Occasionally he kind of moves around distressfully and I call the nurse and while we wait for his meds I just sing and talk to him.  They come and give him another shot and turn him over and he just peacefully drifts off again.

In the night he actually focussed on me for a minute and said “Hi Mom.” in his whispery scratchy voice.  Then he breathed out “Love You”.  If thats the last thing he ever says I will take it.  

I honestly don’t know who I am going to tell everything to.  If anything happened, it wasn’t real until I told him.  We shared absolutely everything.  We were not that couple at the restaurant table not talking.  In fact when our last Price reunion was coming up, he was only thinking about coming.  I wasn’t one to force him into anything I was choosing to do but I knew so many things would happen, and there would be so much gossip that I just wouldn’t be able to properly relay it all with mere words.  So finally I did convince him to come with me so he could see it all for himself and then we could dissect the whole event after.  He LOVED to gossip and as long as it stayed between us, that was okay!

Monte arrived this aft. with all the things I requested for my stay here.  A bag of ritz crackers, a little block of cheese, pop and eight big cold wieners.  There is a little fridge here and I love wieners and ritz.  Mmmmmm.....

I was sitting here this afternoon watching Judge Judy when a young lady came into the room.  You wouldn’t believe what she asked me!!!  “Would someone in here like a hand massage?”   WOULD I????!!!  I haven’t had one of those since I was on the beach in Cambodia!  So she came in and gave me a half hour hand massage and we visited.  I have met so many amazing people in here..all so interesting and kind.  She is a game board freak!!  So she told me all about the game board cafe they have here and all the games they play.  Jealous!!  And the massage was amazing!

So now I must figure out how to get this posted.  TTYL


I see someone left the question about the boondoggle.  I totally forgot so here it is:

Monte has done all my driving.  He drives me here to the hospice and goes and gets everything, ferries people around etc.  So , he is talking to his friend Pat at home (Port Alberni) and Pat tells him he has a letter from ICBC.  Monte gets Pat to open and read it.  Long story short, back in June Monte reported to the Motor Vehicle Branch, when he was renewing his license, that he was on anti psychotic drugs.  What they didn't do was give him a medical form for his doctor to fill out and tell him he had 45 days to do it.  And guess what?  His driver's license was cancelled.  Jeesus Murphy!!!  I am hooped without him doing all the driving!!!  So he 'drove' to the motor vehicle branch the next morning and explained it all to them, and in usual Monte falling a bucket of crap and coming out smelling like a rose, they gave him forty five days again!  He has an appointment with that doctor on the 23rd so all will be well.  I just couldn't wrap my brain around him not being able to do all the errands he does AND I would have to drive HIM around.  Disaster averted.  Sorry, I totally forgot to  finish that post!

HE'S MOVED

Well its happened, he has been put into his own room.  Its actually really homey and quiet and nice.  There is a tree right outside the window.  It feels like we are in either a hotel room or a stateroom on a ship…both of which we have spent the majority of our last five years in.  In fact, he is in the bed kind of snoring and rattling away while I watch tv and write.  Which we have done every night for the majority of the last five years.  So this feels very natural and normal and everydayish.

He is not long for this side of our mysterious life.  Two or three days they say.  I think he is waiting for my birthday on the 21st!  I would be honoured to share my birth day with his passing day.  I just don't think he can last that long. 

 And he is so sweet.  When they come to wash him down and turn him over he kind of comes to and then tries really hard to help.  He really doesn't like to be touched or rolled over.  He tries to get them to leave him alone but of course they have to do what they have to do.  Its so hard to watch.  He is just so vulnerable and fragile and undemanding.  The nurse just said he is the most tolerant patient they have.

We had a wonderful visit from Jill and Michael…for those that don't know…she is Bill's niece and her son.  We did some reminiscing and catching up.  It was such a lighthearted fun visit, just what we needed at that moment.

I have moved in here for now.  I am going to just stay and keep an eye on him.  I don't like the idea of him down at the end of the hall here, all by himself and certainly not able to ring the bell should he need help.  So I am just going to stay and watch and ring the bell for him.  I knew I should have washed my damned hair when I had a chance! 

 And I have been singing to him…especially that song Shortnen' Bread.  His mother used to sing it and then he sang it til we were all mad at him!  And I sang a few of his dirty sea shantys too!  He knows I am here.  He has awakened a couple of times and said Hi Mom…and I love you.  Means everything in the world to me.  I am loving these last moments with him by myself.  TTYL

DAMMIT!!

So, I got a call from the Hospice this morning.  And if I wasn't confused before, I sure as hell am now.  This person said she was calling about Bill's care.  He is currently in an "acute bed" as opposed to a 'hospice bed'.  What does that mean I ask.  Well, in the acute bed he is getting the kind of care that prepares him to go home or into long term care like mom was in.  It seems that just because its in a 'hospice' doesn't mean its palliative care or end of life care.  If he is in a hospice bed, apparently, he gets end of life 'comfort' care.  And then she finally says that that particular bed is 31.90 per day.  So, after a long very confusing conversation what it seems to boil down to is that he needs to start paying for his care now that he is no longer going to be a viable human.

  At this point, and I have to admit that after all the different conflicting info I have been given from day one, I am just a tetch bit ticked off.  So I finally just told her that frankly I don't give a crap 'where' he is, or 'how much' it costs, just put him there, let me know where he's gone and I will pay whatever it costs and I will go see him.  I am done trying to understand it all.  And no one seems to want to admit that this man is not only dying but getting close to it. I couldn't believe that yet again I was explaining that given that he is pretty much paralyzed and unable to talk…he CAN'T COME HOME!!  He is so sick he doesn't know whether he is up or down.  There are people in the hospital way less sick than him but because he can't be helped to be made better, there seems to be no room at the free inn anymore.  Which is totally fine with me…I will be happy to pay whatever they want…just please choose a spot and put him there.

April went in to see him this morning and he was distressed, incoherent and not making sense.  Finally a whole team, including a male, had to go in, told April to leave or wait outside while they did whatever they had to do with him.  He is still very big and heavy and hard to handle.  And he gets very frustrated and pissed off, the poor guy.

This afternoon Monte went in and neither he nor the nurse could wake him up.  Thats new.  He has always been able to wake up but today he couldn't.

Tonight we will go back.  He tends to be better after dinner.  I will bring my laptop and see if he is able enjoy some more pics.  I hope so.

Well he was no better tonight.  But Ester, the amazing nurse he has, took a few minutes to totally explain the process of hospice care.  And what it boils down to is exactly as I said above, when he is deemed no longer viable he is either moved to long term care somewhere, where we pay, or to end of life palliative care, which we pay for.  With the latter option, he doesn't actually change beds or rooms, we just pay.  Which is totally cool with me.  And he is about to be deemed "end of life palliative care" as of tomorrow.

Jocelyn and Emily and baby came to the hospice tonight for a visit.  Bill was totally out of it so we went to the lounge and visited and watched Ainsley, in her little car seat, battle going to sleep, but ultimately succumbing.  Its kind of like watching a campfire.  We all sit around and….well, just watch.  She has such an expressive little face.

Neither Monte nor I felt like going home so we detoured and went to a movie.  The Maze Runner. I couldn't put the book down and the movie did not disappoint.  So good.

And now off to bed.  In tomorrow's post I will tell you about a really annoying and an unbelievable inconvenient boondoggle that has happened.  I can't frigging believe it to be honest.  Life glitches suck!!  (shovel list)  TTYL

I DON'T GET THIS DISEASE

Today seemed like it was going to be a bust.  When I eventually arrived at the hospice he seemed so out of it.  Joan Jan Frank and Russell were there and Bill was wanting OUT!!  So we called the nurse and she and I took a half hour or so and cleaned him up and got him into a sling and into the wheelchair.

  The nurse taught me how to do it.  So often there isn't a care aid to help but if a family member is able bodied, we can help.  So she taught me how to get him cleaned up, dressed properly and into the sling.  Then she showed me how to lower him into his chair.  Not an easy job with a 6 foot two, big boned, helpless guy.  By the time we were through I was sweating like a stuck pig.  

 I pushed him all the way through the hospital to the atrium where everyone was waiting.  We weren't there very long when Bill needed to go right back up to his room for personal business.   Jeez!  So reverse process and soon he was all clean and back in bed and totally out of it.  I felt bad for his visitors.  They had to leave for their ferry and April and I took the opportunity to go to Emily's to visit with Dorothy and Jocelyn and new baby Ainsley.  What a beautiful baby she is!  So smiley and happy.

And then Monte, who had come down to meet the new wee one in our family, and I went back to see Bill.  And we found him sitting right up and wide awake and even able to project his voice a little.  I couldn't believe it!!!  He had drunk ALL of his broth, and he drank a ton of water.  He wanted to see more pics and I had brought my lap top.  And get this…he asked for some ice cream.  We sent Monte off and he came back with a little container of his favourite…strawberry.

While we flitted our way through Copenhagen, Stockholm and St. Petersburg, I spooned ice cream into him.  He ate most of it!  I couldn't believe it.  At one moment we think he isn't going to make it two more days and then we have an evening like this and it feels like he is getting better…which I know isn't possible.  An awesome evening.

Then we came home to a lovely clean house.  April had organized and cleaned.  She was cursing and swearing though at the amount of dog hair on the floor…she has vacuumed every day for the last week and still had to vacuum up three foot high stacks of that crap.  I do believe she is beginning to see why I DO NOT like that stupid dog.

Another good good thing happened.  I was walking down to the coffee area to get Bill a fresh cup of ice water.  My phone rang.  And it was the real estate guy, Dale, calling with an offer.  So I sat right down and with a couple of phone calls back and forth, a couple of counter offers etc.  I finally ended up accepting an offer of 145,000, cash, closing on Nov. 15th.  YAY!!!  One more thing off the list.  It sold at a real loss for sure (dumb b-tch) but I can write off that loss on income tax this year.'

I am totally falling asleep here.  My head keeps falling over.  Its late, past my bedtime.  Sorry this blog has turned into something of a downer…but eventually I will have it back up and happier again …  one day.  And I just realized I completely forgot to write about the weekly challenges!!!  Tomorrow I will see if they are worth listing! TTYL

ALL TKEN WITH MY IPHONE 4…CRAPPIEST PHONE EVER

KITCHEN!!!

I have a new kitchen!!!  It isn't completely done yet but its close enough to give me a pretty good idea of what the finished project is going to be like.  And I LOVE it!!!  Its even more beautiful than I had imagined when I picked out the cupboards and appliances etc.   Aryn, Bradley and April covered some amazing ground today.  I can't believe how hard Bradley and Aryn work.  And work it was…nothing was straight or the way it was supposed to be.  Many problems to solve.

Today was lovely.  The kids and I went to Floyd's Diner for breakfast and then we all went down to see Bill.  He was awesome!  His voice was a bit stronger and he was being really funny.  It was so much easier for the kids to see him like this for a while.  Soon they left and Bill made it clear he wanted out of the bed and in a wheel chair.  I got the nurse and they started the long process..using a hoist.  While they were doing that Amanda, Shannon, Jen, and boys arrived.  We all went down to the Atrium to visit.  

Jen had to leave after a little while.  She didn't have a reservation on the ferry so needed to get into the lineup.  I spent the rest of the day, til supper time, with Amanda and Shannon.  I was saying to April tonight that the silver lining in all of this is the reconnections I am making with people.  I hadn't seen those girls for many years and now here we are, hours of visiting and rebonding.  I am loving it and Amanda and Shannon are two awesome people I am going to keep close to heart. I love them.

Tonight we went to the log house pub and had good tasty grub.  As the karaoke got started, Monte and I left and went back to see Bill and tuck him in for the night.  He was drinking lots of water tonight, not something he has done before.He was also too hot, had thrown off his blankets…weird as he is always cold.  We stayed until the nurse came to wash him up…a P.T. A. bath…(Pits Tits and ass) and roll him over onto his side.  So said goodnight and came home to an even further cleaned and set up kitchen.  It is beautiful!!!  Pic below.

And now I am sitting here once again nodding off.  I am sooo tired.  TTYL

FAMILY AND TURKEY

Such a day!  Brad and family, Jen and family all came to visit Bill today.  But this wasn't much of a visiting day.  He just slept and was very groggy when he was awake.  But he saw all the people who came and it makes him happy.  Very bittersweet.

Tonight we all gathered at the restaurant below the house here and had a tasty turkey dinner.  It was delicious and it was so good to hear the family banter and story telling.  And, Jen's kids are a delight…they definitely kept us entertained!  The dinner was lovely and the company even better.

At 8 Monte and I headed back to the hospice.  Poor Billy was laying there awake, tears in his eyes, just laying there.  He seemed to relax a little when we arrived.  So we stayed a while.  I held his hand and we visited with his roommate's son for  a bit.  Eventually we said our good byes and promises of coming back in the morning.  But on the way home April called and she suggested she maybe should visit.  I told her that was a good idea so she and Myles went in.  Monte brought me home and then he too went back.  It was a difficult night.  One lovely thing, Monte phoned me and held the phone for dad to talk to me.  If I weren't so bagged I would go and just sit beside him all night.  Soon enough.  Now its bedtime.  Up early tomorrow.  TTYL

A PEOPLE DAY FOR SURE

A wonderful day of visiting.  Bill and his family came.  My Bill was pretty out of it unfortunately and felt badly about it.  But now and then he would come to and be so happy to see all the people.  Jen arrived with her three boys and my Uncle Gordon and Auntie Orma and cousin Dorothy popped in for a quick hello as well.  We had pushed Bill down to the beautiful atrium in the main lobby.  Its so bright and beautiful and tons of space and chairs.  It was a good long day of visiting.  I took him back to his room around four and they put him to bed for a nap.

Our fave nurse, Cathy, was on duty last night.  I asked her what was likely to happen to Bill, when, how etc…and she explained this to me:  They grade patients by ten, twenty, thirty etc…  When Bill came into the hospice he was around a 40 to 50.  He is now at 30.  When he hits about 20, meaning near the end they will move him into a private room.  That will be my signal to move into the room with him and just stay.

The kids will gather…out in the lounge.  I feel it may be better they not be right there at the end.  Movies like 'The Notebook' and others have misled people into thinking that one just takes a simple final sigh and slips into the other side.  That may not necessarily be the case.  It can be messy, noisy and distressing.  I can handle that but I have a feeling it may not be the best way for his kids to remember him. 

 So they can be near, I can go out now and again and recharge my battery and go back in with him.  I am just glad that by them moving him into a private room we will know when and not have to guess.  He is so profoundly miserable, scared and ready to go.  But the nurse said that in the end it will be he himself that makes the final decision to let go…when he is ready.  Man I wish he could talk more easily.  Anyway I am glad she explained it all to us.

Tonight Monte came and visited with his dad and then brought me home.  Emily, Dorothy, Myles, April, Bradley, Aryn, Monte and I went down to the Log Cabin pub for dinner.  There was no room inside so we chose to sit outside under heat lamps, hockey game blaring over the loudspeaker, in the freezing cold (well not actually freezing, but really cold)and had an awesome dinner and beer. 

 Around 8 Monte and I went back to the hospital to tuck Bill in and show him some pics on my laptop.  I wasn't sure if he would be okay with looking at our Maui trip pics, he misses it so and knows he won't ever be going back.  But he loved it!  Monte and I have decided we are going to do this as often as possible in the evening.  Its a hard part of the day for Bill and this helps.

Monte is playing Moonlight Sonata, all the others are still at the Log Cabin playing music bingo and I am really cranky so thinking I should go to bed before I nail somebody for no reason.  I don't get cranky often but when I do just about everything pisses me off.  LOL!!  The dogs have learned to stay out of the way when I get that tone of voice.
TTYL

DINNER OUTSIDE TONIGHT TAKEN WITH MY AWFUL PHONE CAMERA

I ALMOST DIDN'T POST

Okay, I will admit I am a little tipsy tonight.  I just drank a whole bottle of wine.  Over the evening.  And I  have already had to make twelve mistake corrections.  So this may be not such a good post.

It was a really tough day but also a really good one.  My niece Jeni (my brother's daugher) was here for the whole day and it was not only amazing but helpful.  I got her opinion of a few key items, which really helped with some important decisions.  And, its such an awesome thing visiting with her.

Also Cari, a family friend visited from Monaco and it was such a joy to see and visit with her.  She is also an amazing young woman with such valuable advice.  So all in all it was an amazing day.

When I got home Aryn and Bradley had totally tiled the kitchen floor and its beautiful!!!  Such a good job!  I am so happy with the kitchen and howitsgoing to turn out…

Tonight after Aryn and Bradley had finished work,and hadgone out for dinner, they came home and I drank a whole bottle of wine withthem…not something I ever do.  And I am feeling pretty tipsy at the moment.  Some family decisions were made which made me feel a little better.

One of them was that we are going to actually have a funeral.  Bill wasn't really on board with this but I talked to him tonight and he remembered that mom had one and he liked it.  So we will have his ashes sent up to Schoneings Funeral Home where we had mom's funeral and have it there.  It was awesome and we really liked the guy that over saw the whole thing.  It will be so much easier this way.  Such a relief.

Anywhoooo, methinks its bedtime.  We had a wonderful time tonight just the five of us.  Drinking wine, make jokes and making decisions. Now its bedtime and before I make very many more mistakes that I constantly go back and correct, I will sign off.  TTYL

NIGHTTIME … THE HARDEST TIME

I have to figure out how to spend the evenings with Bill.  Normally he sleeps, but when he doesn't its just horrible for him.  Today he felt like he was drowning…I think the fluid in his chest is building up.  I think its almost time to just move into the room with him and just stay there.  Emily is only a mile away and I can slip over there to shower and change, I know she wouldn't mind, I need to stay near him now and help him through those scary moments he is having.

Today was super full and fulfilling.  Dave and Val came and visited.  A decision was made yesterday that he isn't allowed to get up anymore, he is dangerously weak.  So two nurses got him all cozy and pushed his bed upstairs to the garden.  He so loves it up there.  So we spent a wonderful hour up there with him.  He snoozes and listens to the voices around him visiting.

After Dave and Val left Cari (Aryn's friend from Monaco and used to work for us, she developed a real bond with Bill) and Aryn and Bradley arrived.  He was so happy to see 'Twinkie' again.  

But he is weakening and sleeping longer periods.  He did phone me tonight.  He was panicking because he couldn't move.  So over the phone I helped him verbally to find the call bell and call a nurse.  He also said he was dry, needing a drink and he couldn't find his water.  I feel I really need to be there with him.  My poor Billy.  TTYL

SAYING GOODBYE

IN THE GARDEN

LONG DAY

Well there is no doubt about it now, Bill is so much better mid afternoon and onwards.  I got in there late morning and he slept for quite a while.  Then when he woke he wanted to get in his wheelchair and go walkabout.  He gets restless.  But it takes me about twenty solid minutes to get him up and off the bed and into that chair, properly shod, clothed, bathroomed and wrapped.  Actually it maybe takes more like a half hour and by the end of it I am sweating and puffed like I had a total workout!  But it is soooo worth it.  He absolutely loves it up there in that garden and there is so little for him to enjoy anymore.

Later this afternoon Monte, April and Dorothy and I all ended up in one of the lounges with him.  We chatted, laughed, told stories and jokes and April attempted to play the awful keyboard in there.  Jeez it was funny.  Finally Bill called Uncle and asked to be taken back to his room.  He was tuckered out.  So April and I took him back and managed to get him into his bed and all tucked in. It gets harder and harder to leave him in that awful place.

The restaurant the Checkered Flag (named because it is so close to the speedway) has become our kitchen away from kitchen.  They have a lovely menu of comfort homey food like liver and onions, roast beef dinner, shepherd's pie, seafood casserole, fish and chips, a plethora of sandwich choices etc.

And, tonight they had flyers up everywhere for turkey dinner this week end.  So I made a few calls and we will be having thirteen to turkey dinner this week end!  And its all family.  Jen and her boys from Alta., Aryn and Bradley, April and Myles, Dorothy and Emily and Austin, Monte and me.  I am so excited.  I do believe this will be the first time in my history that I am having turkey dinner on Thanksgiving and I am not cooking it!  So I made reservations and I am totally looking forward to it.

Now its bedtime, I am nodding as I type.  Parker is bashing my arm asking to go out for his last ablution…TTYL

GOOD AND BAD

Today was both good and bad.  First the good.

Jim and Jan came today and I always enjoy it when they come.  We are never short of conversation and stories and it just feels good having them come.  We took Bill up to the garden, his favourite spot and sat in the sun and visited.  We were up there for quite a while.  The reaction amongst the staff when we come back down is always interesting.  I don't think the garden is overly used with the current bunch in there and it pleases them a lot to see it being enjoyed.

I stayed for a while after they left, Monte had come for a visit as well.  He played the guitar and sang for his dad, who loves it.  Its hitting Monte kind of hard that his dad won't ever hear him play his pieces on a piano again.

A magical thing happened whilst I was gone.  Dorothy, with a little help from Monte, completely cleaned the house and organized all the crap piled in the living room.  I can't even tell you what a joy it was to come home to a clean house.  It just simply makes all the difference.  Bless her heart.  And the last bit of good news, April is here…for the duration.  I think its going to be good for Monte and me to have her here.  The family is gathering.

The not so good news (I don't like that word 'bad') is Bill was in such rough shape tonight.  Monte went back in around 8 and took Molly with him.  He couldn't get up and couldn't speak.  He was happy to see Molly but it was difficult for him.  I had Monte get him to talk to me on the phone and he couldn't.  He could barely squeak out a 'love you'.  This is by far the worst I have heard him.  Its scary.  But then…tomorrow could be a good day, like yesterday was.  Who knows?  But its scary when he gets like this and its happening more and more.  He is still able to get up and into a wheelchair, with a lot of help.  But I can see that those events will be coming to an end soon and he will be completely bed ridden.  His poor little skinny legs have barely any strength left in them.

Tomorrow will be better I hope.  TTYL

STUPID TOMATO PLANT

Back in June I bought Bill a tomato plant in a big pot.  So all summer we have watered it, babied it, got excited when it got loaded with tomatoes, picked three that turned red, delicious, and now in October not one of those suckers left has turned red.  (sorry Kate…that was an awful long run on sentence!) Why?  Hottest, sunniest summer on record and they won't freaking turn red.  I am going to go out there and kick it.

So, this morning, still fairly early (for me) there was a ring at the door.  I had seen a sketchy looking fellow with a ratty briefcase walk past on the road about a half hour before so I decided not to answer the door.  I, sitting in my awesome chair in Purple Room, just waited, not gonna answer the door.  Parker was barking like crazy.  Well the guy just kept ring the bell…its one of those turn a key type thing and it sounds like a bicycle bell gone bad…and it drives Parker nuts.

Purple room window is about four feet to the right of the front door.  Its a big, low to the floor window which I always keep wide open when I am home.  I silenced my tv and just waited it out.  He finally quit ringing the bell and Parker quit barking.  After a minute or two, obviously he has left, I unmuted the tv and went back to my laptop. Suddenly,  a loud voice behind me goes, "Excuse me mam, but I saw you sitting there.  I am canvassing for the food bank and I was wondering if you could donate to this very important cause."  WTF????!!!!  Behind my chair, he was leaning in my window to talk to me!!!  I couldn't frigging believe it!!!!

I did the first thing that came to mind.  As I hopped out of my chair I hollered for Parker and for once the dog did exactly what I wanted.  He came barrelling into my room, took one look at the scruffy a-hole in my window and went straight for him.  Teeth bared, barking like the hounds from hell, he actually jumped up and got right smack into the guys face.  It happened so fast!  The guy flew backward and fell against the post out there, turned and ran hell bent for election.  And guess what?  Parker went right out the window after him!!!  Hahahaha!!!  Knocking over tables and bashing into rocking chairs that are out there, he gave chase.  I thought I was going to have to save the jerk but Parker stopped at the top of the driveway.  Boy, did Parker ever get a big treat, but I think I will have to watch him…that was a pretty extreme reaction!  I guess he's feeling extra protective.

After some necessary errands I went down to the hospice this afternoon.  Bill was in pretty good form.  We spent time up in the garden drinking mint tea.  Back to his room and he had a nap, a short one, and was up again.  Definitely the medication he is on is by far the best so far.  He isn't too dopey and he isn't in pain and his nausea is manageable.  Monte popped in, after a quick trip up to Port and back (six hour round trip).  Now its evening, and I'm tired and going to bed.  Good night everyone…sleep tight!  TTYL

Brian, saying good bye to Bill today, told him he would see him on the other side.  Bill told Brian, "I will hold the door for you."

NOT LIKING THE HOSPICE SO MUCH

Its taking time to get used to the hospice.  The room is terribly small and not very private.  As I was driving up my phone rang.  It was Bill.  So I pulled over and he mumbled something about me talking to the doctor and suddenly there was a dr.  on the other end.  He told me that Bill was very angry with him and accused him of 'fucking up my medications"  (pardon the language)  So I told the doc that what Bill was talking about was they had given him medicine in the hospital that kept him not so sick and definitely not throwing up.  And…guess what?  he was throwing up.  So the lovely dr. said he would look into it and this afternoon he was given that medication.

As I entered the building, two people had just entered the elevator and they kindly held the doors for me.  So I hopped on, checked the floor button, then briefly looked at and slightly smiled at the lady in there.  Then as I turned around I kind of felt them looking at me funny and I sort of glanced at the lady again and suddenly recognized Kate and Jeff (Bill's nephew).  God I felt stupid!!  And it was sooo good to see them.  We went upstairs and visited Bill in his room for a while then got him into a wheel chair and down to one of the lounges.  We had a lovely time with them!  Bill was so pleased that they had come to see him.  It really means a lot.

Then April, Myles and Monte arrived.  We pushed Bill up to Hospice Garden on the roof.  It was beautiful!  We stayed out there quite a while.  Finally Bill got tired and the kids left and I put him to bed.  I will go back tomorrow morning.  He will be getting lots of company tomorrow.

Now, once again my head is a bobbing…and I keep falling asleep.  At least I am in my pj's!  I shall go take out my teeth, take off my glasses, take six pills and head to my chair.  Sleeeeeepy!  TTYL

HOSPICE OR BUST!!!

I have been getting so many loving supportive messages from so many people.  Its purely awe inspiring and I pass these along to Bill.  You people are definitely the wind beneath MY wings and I know for a fact it is so very comforting for Bill.  When I get home at night I immediately make myself a bologna sammich (mushy white bread and two slices of meat and not a thing else), grab my lappy and open it up and soak up the love.  Its what I do every night before I post on the blog. Honestly I come home feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry for my kids and Bill's friends, but mostly feeling sorry for Billy…and then I read and feel all the love and enormous support from you people and my whole heart fills right up again.  Thank you.

A weird thing happened this morning.  Bill had not phoned by around ten.  He didn't call in the night either.  I was sitting in my purple room chair here when unbidden, an image popped into my head.  I could see a somewhat bewildered Bill sitting on the side of his bed, looking over his table and out the window.  So, I decided to phone his phone.  Maybe he would notice it light up or see it vibrate, it doesn't ring.  So I grabbed my phone, called his number and HE ANSWERED!!!!  I couldn't believe it!  I was so happy to hear him but he was so distressed.  He told me they were moving him to the hospice right at that moment!  So I told him I would meet him there and I phoned the hospital to confirm. 

Poor Bill.  Its hard to explain, but when you have been in a certain spot for a very long time, dependant on those around you, moving is a very big deal.  When I arrived at the hospice they immediately told me he was really unhappy.  When I finally got to him it was very evident he had been crying.  He whispered in his squeaky little voice that he was 'discombobulated'.  So I just sat with him and we talked about all the nice things about the new place.  Soon two wonderful nurses arrived and made a huge fuss over him and in no time he was being his usual funny self.

A doctor arrived and decided that he should have a saline intravenous…into his tummy area.  This will relieve his monstrous thirst and combined with better anti nausea medication, by the end of the week end he should be at least feeling better.

Monte came down and brought Bill's laptop (look out facebookers….he is going to be back on!!!) and Molly.  Well I held Molly up close to Bill and called him.  He opened his eyes and when he saw Molly his eyes almost popped out, a giant grin and automatically up came his arms and she just melted right into him.  He hugged her close and she wiggled and rubbed and licked and whimpered and was soooo happy to see him….and he was soooo happy to see her.  It was truly awesome.

The hospice is the old maternity building.  And I mean old.  The rooms are small and old.  But its homey.  It isn't a very big place.  The hospice part is only on one fairly small floor.  Most of the rooms are singles but Bill has a room mate called Bernie.  He isn't too horribly old which is nice.  And…he seems unable to get out of bed…I seemed to hear things behind the curtain to do with bedpans…so no more bathroom antics!! 

 There are a number of lounges which is good…cuz there sure isn't room for more than one visitor at a time in the room.  I hope they will be able to move him into a single one day.  And there is a roof garden!  When we get him mobile and in a wheel chair we will be able to go up there and enjoy the fresh air.

Well Myles and April have arrived and off to bed. They are very tired, April in particular.  Such a heavy awful day for her (not my story to tell).  This is just a hellish time for all of them, but this too will pass.  I can feel all our ions and molecules and what makes us 'us', growing and stretching and deepening as this experience unfolds.  I guess you can only sink or grow, one of the two!  And from what I am seeing, this whole little community that is Bill, is growing in leaps and bounds.  Now I am getting ridiculously philosophical…sorry…time for bed.  Good nite folks…TTYL

SUCH AN EMOTIONAL DAY!!

This day started frantically.  I was sitting here in my awesome purple room chair when the phone rang.  It was eight twenty in the mornin'.  It was a call telling me that my appliances would be arriving in ten minutes.  Holy Crap!!  I ran and booted Monte out of bed to go move the vehicles.  I then did the most herculean job of moving furniture, garbage cans, recycling, shit in the garage to make room for the dishwasher, swept up a gunny sack worth of dog hair, emptied out the fridge hole in the kitchen and got dressed.  In the nick of time I might add.  The fridge is fantastic.  It is so big they had to take it apart to get it in.  Pics below.

I then headed over to the hospital.  Bill was asleep so I just sat there with him and read.  I got a text from Joan, Jan, Frank and Russell that they were on the nine ferry on their way over to see him.  We had such a good time with them.  We bundled Bill up into a wheelchair and we went down to the cafeteria for lunch.  Eventually Bill tired out and I took him up to bed for a nap.  We all left him sleeping.  I came home then Monte and I went and got a bite to eat down below at the Checkered Flag.

And I started to cry.  Right there in the middle of the freaking restaurant and I just couldn't quit.  I kept seeing Billy's eyes as they looked up at me from the bed…ach jeez if I think of it now I am going to start crying.  I actually had to get up and leave the restaurant and go outside and walk around until I got a hold of myself.  

But…and this is fantastic…tonight he was really awake and so funny and happy and lighthearted.  I don't know why but he seemed so at peace.  He still wasn't talking, he has pretty much quit talking because his voice is so weak but he was responding to jokes and funny memories.

  Then, at a particularly quiet moment, we were just sitting there, I had my back to the door, when suddenly he let out a bellow…"HEY!!  HEY YOU!!!  GET OUT OF HERE!!!  GET OUT!!!"  I goddamned near had a heart attack!!  I turned around to see Victor, who had Bill's room before him, he got moved, and he has dementia and keeps coming in to Bill's room to use the bathroom.  And Bill doesn't like it!  Jeez!!  I didn't think Bill could be that loud so suddenly any more!!

But the funny part was Victor.  Poor little Victor.  He must be 90 if he is a day and he can't be more than five feet tall.  Well, they have put a really tall toilet seat on Bill's toilet.  Now tiny Victor goes into the bathroom, doesn't shut the door, and drops his drawers and tries to get up onto the toilet seat!  He finally, using his hands on the side rails, hoists himself up kind of onto the seat, his feet dangling in thin air, and lets fly…and of course is missing because he isn't on properly.   Meanwhile I dashed out to find someone to come and not one person was anywhere in sight…so I went back in time to see Victor, in all his bare naked splendid glory, hit the floor.  I had to go in there and help him up.  So there he stood, pants on the ground, totally bad mess and he is wringing his hands all helpless.  I went out again and found a nurse this time and thank god he came and cleaned up Victor, cleaned up Bill's bathroom and took the old guy back to his room.  Meanwhile Bill is laying in his bed, seething.  Hahaha..it was so funny…old men, gotta love 'em!

Monte came over and honestly, we had the best time with Bill.  He was joining in and smiling.  Finally, around 9:30 he started to get sleepy.  So we tucked him all in and left him, with his phone right handy.  Now we are home, after a run to Walmart and I am  posting and going to bed.  I am exhausted tonight and methinks I will be sleeping well!  TTYL

WE HAVE NAMED THIS BEAST 'BILL'.. HE FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS FRIDGE IMMEDIATELY UPON SPYING IT AT TRAIL APPLIANCES

LOOKS LIKE A SECRET ENTRANCE TO ANOTHER WORLD

THE FOOD IN THE HOSPITAL IS EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD…I HAVE TRIED SOME OF HIS DINNERS HE GETS (AND NEVER EVER EATS) AND THEY ARE TRULY FLAVOURFUL AND DELICIOUS AND HEALTHY.  TINY TASTES THOUGH BECAUSE THEY KEEP TRACK OF WHAT HE IS AND IS NOT EATING, I DON'T WANT THEM THINKING SUDDENLY THAT HE CHOWED DOWN A STEAK AND IS TOTALLY FAKING ILLNESS

OFF TO SLEEP WITH HIS FAVE BLANKIE