whine

I haven't written in a while. For a good reason. No matter what I write it is going to turn into a big long giant victimy whine.
So, WARNING! I know at the end of this I will feel much better, but you may not.....and not only that , you may lose a lot of respect for me. Whiners are annoying.

Whine one: Husband....I feel I almost don't have to say anymore than that....husband. Example: When he needs to make a phone call the whole household gets pulled into it somehow. "Put the damn dog out on the deck..I can't hear when his nails are clicking on the floor!" (so why can't he get off his ass and put the damn dog out himself). "How do I work this damn phone. How do I find the past calls? I don't like these new phones. Where is Claire's number? I gave it to you... where is it?" I get up again and show him how to find the numbers. "I can't read this. Have you seen my glasses? If you just left all this stuff alone I would be able to find my stuff. Where did you put my glasses?" I find them where he left them in the kitchen. "Turn that damn thing off. I can't hear when the tv is on." I pause my show that I pvred and thought he was busy outside for long enough for me to watch it. Now he is on the phone...yelling (he just simply gets LOUD when he talks on a phone...no reason) Suddenly he hollers to me, where I am now in the bedroom folding the latest batch of laundry, "wheres a pen and a something to write on?" I enable all this and find him pen and paper, beside his chair.

This happens every damn phone call. Last night I was watching a show while he was out gardening. He comes in, tracks dog crap across the floor and plunks himself down in his chair. The phone rings, it is my sister. We won't be long so I mute, not pause, the show I am watching. He waves his hand at me over and over to throw him the clicker. There is only ten minutes left in my show so who cares, I throw it over. He proceeds to find a show to watch in record time (he usually can't figure out how to use the clicker), punches it in and proceeds to turn it up to a deafening volume. So I go "Bill!! Turn it down I can't hear!" And can you believe what his response was????? "Don't talk so loud, I can't hear it." Oh My God!!!!! I was so pissed off I just talked louder, picked up a secondary clicker we have and turned it down. Just a little. I could have muted it.

Whine Two: Noise. When I was a kid my mother was one of those mothers that couldn't, or in her case wouldn't, tolerate a lot of noise. I swore that when I grew up I would not be like her. And, for the most part I wasn't. The kids were never that noisy that I had to nag them about it. Then along came Bill. (this blog is turning out to be a big whine against Bill...and I don't care)

I try to get up really early so I can get two or three hours of peace and quiet. i blog, read and return emails, watch taped shows, talk to April as she puts on her make up for her day at work, cuddle dogs etc... Then Bill arrives, big heavy slippers slapping on the floor, harumphing and clearing the crap out of his throat (as men get old the crap in their throat increases and sticks), sneezes about twelve times, loud and long, coughs and coughs, bangs cupboards, turns on his stupid laptop radio to CKNW. He simply does NOT care how loud or intrusive he is. What Billy wants, Billy gets.

Whine three: Things that don't work...when they are supposed to. Like the microwave. We bought a new one about six months ago. It is fantastic. The other day, right in the middle of cooking rice, the power bar it is plugged into blows. So I reset and turn it back on. It had run for ten minutes. It ran for an additional five and blew again. Reset. two minutes. blow. reset. 1 minute. blow. reset. 30ish seconds. blow. 5 seconds. reset. 5 seconds. blow......it would not go longer than five seconds. Period. I wanted to pitch the whole damn thing out into the back yard.

And speaking of things that don't work.....SHAW!! If I go to hell it will be because of Shaw. Our internet is so slow that Netflix told us they can't send us movies, Backblaze can't back up my computers, we can't watch youtube videos, soundsamples in itunes keep buffering and won't play. We phone them (an average wait time is 45 min..but we have been on hold up to 90) They promise to look into it, tell us it is fixed and it never changes. One month when we were on a trip, the kids told us the internet was out for three weeks. They fixed somethng on the pole and it came back, slow as usual. Yesterday, I timed it, it took me forty five minutes to buy tickets to the movies. Ridiculous. So I phoned up telus, ordered high speed internet from them, and I get an Xbox for free and by this time next week Shaw internet will no longer exist for us. I can't friggin wait.

Whine four: Mess. Other people's self indulgent lazy ass messes. I could rant for pages but I won't. I shall mention only one. The stove. Our stove is a beautiful stainless steel gas range (thank you Aryn) And it isn't really hard to clean, its just time consuming. I clean it thoroughly about once every three days. What really bugs me though is when someone (and we know who that would be) boils potatos or some such, it boils over and he leaves it. Then he fries bacon or sausage or something spitty, and leaves that. Then he cooks eggs, frequently dropping one (and as he gets older he drops a lot more) then inadequately wipes it. By the time the three day marker comes the stove has become a half day job. I don't understand why it has to be me that has to clean it. The same with the toilet....but I will spare you and not give details about that one.

You know, if I didn't have Bill and Monte around, I would be living in a silent, clean blissful environment!! My next blog will be about why I gladly put up with all the above and wouldn't trade it for anything!!!......(but it might be a while...Bill is over there in the kitchen, very noisily frying spitty bacon)

Achhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED A SMOKE....

Odd Feeling

It is a very odd feeling when you see your children accomplish a feat, right before your very eyes. When I look back over the many years with my children, a few significant moments pop out. Moments when I stopped my body, stopped my brain, and just conciously took a moment to FEEL....this is my child and I am in the midst of a surge of powerful feeling of love, pride and joy. There is no other feeling on the whole planet that can equal that feeling. Oh, I am always proud of my kids, love them all the time and am happiest when I am with them. But only on a rare occasion does that whoosh of pride, love and joy fill my whole body.

I remember the time in Bamfield when the neighbour let Monte use his little boat anytime he wanted. Monte was about 16. We got a distress call from one of our customers that their boat crapped out way out in the Inlet. Monte hopped in his little boat and went out to find them. This inlet is dangerous and not a place to be without power. Quite a worrying while later, through the binnoculars, I spied Monte slowly making his way back to our dock, pulling four grown men in their disabled boat. That was one of those overwhelming moments...I was so proud of that kid at that moment I could have burst. I WAS in tears.

My daughter April has learning disabilities and accademics are very hard for her. She struggled and worked so damned hard to just simply pass. In grade nine, through her own extreme efforts and tenacity she managed to get herself on the honour roll. When it was her turn to go up and recieve her certificate she walked over, shook hands with the principal, and as she was walking off, she turned and raised her arms and waved her certificate in the air with a look on her face that I knew would be a huge struggle for her to ever replicate. I was in tears and so proud of that child I can't even explain it here.

I was sitting on the bottom stair at our old house, talking with my son Kevin. He lived with Tandy downstairs and I didn't see them all that often..they were both busy and kind of private. But now and then he would come upstairs to visit. He and I had been visiting for about ten to fifteen minutes and he was preparing to retreat back to the basement, when he oh so casually announced that they were pregnant with my first grandson. You have to understand that this was a kid that made it pretty clear he would NEVER have children. I didn't believe him at first but then when I saw the look on his face and how happy and excited and scared and ....oh everything!! he was I knew. Again, That unbelievable feeling whoooshed in. After he went back downstairs I just sat on the stairs feeling proud, and love and total joy for this child of mine.

And bless her heart, my darling Aryn, my bouncy brown eyed lively little Aryn gave me that amazing feeling again (she has a few times in her life) the other day. She ran a half marathon, a herculean task for this girl of bad lungs thanx to my smoking when I was pregnant with her, and at the busiest time of her life and having to fit in training. When she crossed that finish line, when I finally saw her arrive I once again experienced that overwhelming feeling of pride, joy and love. My tears kept me from getting a good picture of her. Before rushing off to find her, I took a moment to hang onto the fence and block out the noise and just closed my eyes and felt. My moment I think was just as powerful as hers. I was so so so proud of her.