STILL HEART BROKEN AND RIGHT CRANKY

I think most of you know that Monte has been upside down and it has manifested into his being very very unhappy with me.  I can't defend or not defend myself in this, this is his reality and there simply is not a thing I am able to do with that.  So He and I are taking a time out (as Arnie puts it) for now.  But I am not going to lie....I miss him.

I see its been a week since I last posted.  Graeme and I went to Port Alberni.  Things did not go so well with Monte Man and I really can't say much more than that.  Graeme and I did spend one day tooting around, from Coombs (which was closed) to Parksville, to Qualicum.  It was raining to beat the dickens and blowing hard.  We stopped in at a pub on the ocean and had fish and chips.  Pretty awesome I must say.

The next day (Friday) I dropped Graeme in Nanaimo to catch a bus to Victoria and I headed over to April's.  I love staying at their place.  Its like sinking into a big hug.  In fact Myles met me at their place with a big comfy hug.  I was feeling pretty battered and wrecked while I was there but they both were so patient and kind to me.  On Monday morning I mosied over to another amazing daughter and her squeeze's place.  And I love it there.  Thats where Granddog is and Molly and crazy Fred the ancient noisy nosey cat!  And Aryn and Bradley are such good hosts.  Good food, good booze and awesome tv watching.  Soooooo relaxing.

Graeme came to their place on Wed. morning and he and I headed home.  We had an easy trip with no mishaps.  Wrangler was bezerkly happy when we showed up.  As lovely as he is I will be glad when he goes home.  I do not want a dog.  And this dog is so needy.  He is always wanting attention, pats, food, walks, pees and suffers crazy separation anxiety.  Time for him to go.

Today I made two giant shepherd's pies...one real and one fake.  Hahaha!  Just kidding!  They were both delicious.  So I took the real one with me to Kathy's and had the bestest evening there!  We visited, planned a trip I will tell you about another time, had dinner and then...the best part....they showed me all their pictures from their Cuba trip and India trip.  I am one of those people that could look at people's pictures endlessly.  I love them!  And their trip pictures were so interesting!  It was just the kind of evening I was in need of.

So I just want to say to my family, my friends, my amazing dear support group...thank you.  You have all made this most difficult time bearable.  Every single one of you....I love you and am eternally grateful.  TTYL

I'M SORRY

I can't write right now.  I think my heart is broken. When it gets a bit better I will be back.  Thanks.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Well, Monte is needing help again.  So Graeme, bless his heart, and I are heading out first thing in the morning for Port Alberni.  The poor guy's head gives out on him and he needs help.  I have no idea what we will be doing with him.  Whether he stays there, or comes with us, not sure.  We will find out soon enough.

These sudden departures are beginning to take a toll.  My hair doesn't get washed properly.  My clothes don't get laundered enough (which means I wear weird stuff), I don't eat properly, I am constantly tired, and I am having heart palpitations every time I get a Port Alberni phone call.  I do a lot of sitting around in a fog.  Literally.

I had a wonderful birthday waffle breakfast with Jocelyn at Kathy and Kerry's.  Jo's birthday.  It was so much fun watching the kids.  And breakfast was delicious!

Also the other night I had dinner at Jo and Craig's. Pork roast dinner...so good!  Again it was awesome to spend time with them.  I love those kids and they change sooooo fast!  Its amazing to watch Stirling run around!  Anyway it was a hoot to say the least!

So I go now.  Sorry for the boring post.  I shall try to keep up a little better.  TTYL

QUICK UPDATE

Let's see....Monte is still in the hospital and getting pretty antsy.  He is back to normal...or at least as normal as he ever is!  One good thing that happened is he finally, after two frigging years (stupid medical system we have) got an EEG.  They have been wanting to look at his brain waves for a long time...might explain his seizures.  And right in the middle of the test a light was turned on and threw him right into a seizure.  So he is waiting for the report to be returned to his doctor in the hospital to see whats up.  Waiting waiting waiting.  At least he gets really long passes to leave for a few hours every day.

I haven't really contacted too many people since getting home.  I find when I have something major on my mind I cocoon.  Mind you Graeme and Anton are here...thank goodness.  So I have been busy alternating between doing nothing and cooking!  Kathy came down for coffee one afternoon...so good to see her.

Tomorrow is Kiwanis day.  I am going to head over to Kathy's around ten tomorrow morning.  Stirling is there til ten thirty and he is walking now!!!  I haven't seen him walking yet so I need to get there early enough to see him.  Then we are going to prepare our visas we need for our upcoming trip to China.  She knows what she is doing and I am willing to sit there and do exactly as I am told!!!

On the twentieth of January Kiwanis is having a pot luck...at one of the kiwanians place.  So after that post I posted about boring uncreative food brought to these affairs, I must bring something interesting and delicious!  Maybe I will do a roast!  Well I am off to bed.  Me and my temporary dog.  Hairy hairy toenail clicking beast!!!  TTYL

A DIP INTO THE LOONY BIN

It's probably totally not politically correct to call the psyche ward a loony bin.  But it is.  Sooo interesting.

Let me say though the place is new and its beautiful.  The furniture, whilst faux leather, is awesomely coloured and cute.  Polka dots mixed with plain pastel colours.  There are quite a few lounges with pretty tables added.  In a couple of them there are giant humungous wall tv's.  In the long beautifully appointed eating room are long tables and comfy dining room chairs.  Along the wall are coffee and tea making equipment, toasters with endless breads, a fridge full of milks and juices.  The counter is granite and the back splash is the latest tile design.  The place looks like a well designed Holiday Inn.

But all of that is deceptive, to say the least.  Sad, ill dressed people wander the halls.  Their faces, for the most part display dead eyes, sallow skin and hair reflecting the use of drugs, prescribed drugs.  They slowly walk by, no eye contact, mouths slack.

Then there are the overly rambunctious, overly friendly, overly talky, brains going a hundred miles an hour peeps.  They grab your arm and effusively say, "Are you Monte's mom?  Oh, he is amazing and wonderful!!!!! Do you know how talented he is?  He plays the piano and the guitar amazingly!!!!!!  We love it when he plays for us!  Did he take lessons when he was little?  Monte Monte Monte!!!  Come!!!  Lets go to the piano room!!!  Come Come!!!  Right now!!!"

So off we go, a little band of over enthusiastic talky people, mostly cougar aged women.  We go into the piano room.  Monte sits.  He plays.  He plays the most emotional, build up, intense piece he has ever written...about fifteen minutes long. 

 And let me tell you...he had those women in a frothy frenzy within nano seconds.  They were twirling, spinning, arms up and swinging, then down on the floor, legs in the air bike pedalling to beat shit, then up, and kayayaying like eastern nomadic wanderers in a mesmerized trance.  It was crazy!  Fortunately Bingo was next on the list for that room so we all had to leave.

Today the police and the staff decided one of the patients had to be isolated for a while.  Well, she didn't think so and she wasn't going to go.  Holy Crap!!!!  She was screaming and kicking and yelling and going nuts.  One man in there started yelling at her to make sure she didn't take any pills they wanted her to take.  "DON'T TAKE THEM SHAYLA, DON'T TAKE NO PILLS, DON'T DO IT!!!"  He was not helping so yet more staff came and grabbed him and marched him down the hall to his room. 

Meanwhile there is an Iranian gal, about thirty, that has latched onto Monte.  And I mean that!  She has a house in North Van and she wants him to move in with her and give her peace by playing the piano for her.  He won't have to pay rent, just give her piano lessons.  She gushed and gushed about him and his playing and how much she looked forward to him moving in with her....and her perfectly sane visiting boyfriend...who looked more and more alarmed as she talked, looked at me with complete desperation in his eyes.

One thing I do know about these places, patients pick up patients and take them home.  Mom did that.  Other people I know have done that.  And here it was, happening before my very eyes. And Monte, dear sweet naive Monte, is truly believing every word she is saying.  She was going to launch his piano teaching career.  Ayayayaya!!  I managed to deal with that, by being as manipulative and calculating and spin doctoring as those poor patients are, but jeez!

Monte, without question, is the sanest one in there.  And the others circle him like he is the original piano god.  Every time I go in there he is holding court in the dining area, discussing all things existential and they sit there sucking it up, clearly without a clue about what he is talking about.  Including me.  His convo's are way beyond my comprehension.

We have a family/doctor/social worker/nurse conference tomorrow morning.  Hopefully he will be able to walk out of there, into his van and be on his way home.

Well, gotta bounce.  It just dawned on me that I haven't heard from the hospital to confirm the conference.  Gotta go call.  TTYL