FOR THOSE THAT KNOW ME

 This post is partially directed towards those people that know me.  I need to clear something up.  I feel that to some of you I have complained about my life, the people in it and my living circumstances.  I think it peaked recently when the by-law lady came by saying we were reported and our experience with Floppy and the SPCA.  I do believe I made a pretty strong blog post about things...very negatively I might add.

In the last couple of weeks I have re read what I wrote and pondered how I felt, how I let myself feel.  I sincerely hope that what I am about to write doesn't sound overly noble.  I don't mean it to.

I have always believed that happiness stems from two things.  Firstly love and just importantly choice.  I have tried in parts of my life to remember this and live by it.  But too many times I have found myself a long caustic way from it.  And when I reread those couple of posts, and I still don't know why I did reread them, I was very strongly reminded that the only reason I was hating the neighbourhood, hating the owner of the neighbour's house and hating this town was only because of my forgetting about what I really and truly believe.  It's a choice.  

I spent the next few days rereading some of my books that give me the kick in the butt and refresh my knowledge and thus my resolve back to peace.  I don't meditate, I wish I could but....(shovel list).   I think if I developed a daily five minute think session it would help keep me on track.  I have a tendency to be a caustic blister as Spod called me and I do have to tamp it down and change that all too often.  And then as time goes by I get lazy about it and then forget altogether until something jogs that resolve.  Anyway enough of that.  In fact I wouldn't be surprised if I've lost a few of you.  Lol!!  and that's okay.

Monte is doing unbelievably well!!!  Now that he has his own space to retreat to it has made all the difference in the world!!!  He comes home for dinner, he has spent a day or two staying here at home, he has been taking a bunch of his treasures to the place.  And I just feel a sense of peacefulness about him, a lack of tension.  Oh he still can only keep one thing at a time in his mind and a few other autistic anomalies, but overall this has done more for him than any medication ever did.  The medication made him sleep and when awake, sleepy, and awful weight gain.  Those pills are awful.  (shovel list)

I may be bringing Elise back on July 2.  I am leaving for Vancouver a week from today.  I have decided that she probably would not want to be downstairs in that big old cold bedroom by herself. No matter how old you are some places are just not welcoming and that room is one of them.

So I am in the midst of totally cleaning out my room, back to its pretty self.  No more suitcases, vacuum cleaners, ironing boards and coolers in there!!!!  I mentioned in the last post I bought fifty hangers and they are already almost all used up!!!  And that is where she will be!!  I sleep out here in my beloved recliner and do not sleep in that bed so she is totally welcome to it.  I can't wait!!!

April and Myles got their professional wedding pictures back and apparently they are beyond stunning!!  They had both of them in tears.  And there are over two hundred of them!!!!  And Myles, bless his sweet heart, has forbidden April to share them on any public forum until I get to see them first!!!!  I can't believe it!!!!  Apparently he is absolutely adamant and I think it is killing poor April!!! To make it harder I have their dog!!!  They are missing her so much and the earliest ferry reservation I could get was July 2!!!!  That is a week from today!!!  I am honoured and grateful that Myles is honouring me that way!!!

Speaking of her, I call her Gdog, I am absolutely loving having her.  She is such good company.  In our house I am G-ma, Ange is G-aunty, Monte is G-uncle. She is so loving and such a happy little mutt.  She is helping us get over Floppy and making the decision that the only dog we may get in future will be an old little one.  Of course there are never any up for adoption.  But I keep looking. If anyone has an old not too big doggie that they can't keep, please keep us in mind!!!!  Or a guinea pig.  I love guinea pigs!!!

Well that is it for today.  There is a very overstuffed bedroom hollering down the hallway!!!!  Have a wonderful ..... well however long it is til my next post, peaceful few days.  TFL & TTYL

This moment is all you have. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. All your power lives in this single moment.  EL CREATIVO

 

BUSY WEEK SORT OF MAYBE NOT SIGH

Not much to report.  Had the hired truck guy, Shane, take a massive load of cardboard away.  Slowly helping Monte set his office up.  Going through a spell of not sleeping at night.  Ordered fifty velvet hangers to hang all my Temu clothes I didn't mean to buy.

I gave some thought to why I have bought so many crappy clothes from Temu.  I figured it out.  I am fat.  Fat people have a very difficult time finding clothes.  At least in Canada.  As such when you do find fat lady clothes it's like a miracle.  And then you go hog wild.  And I can't seem to stop.

  They are cheap which is a good thing.  The trouble is you can't just buy a ten dollar shirt.  You have to get it up to 35 bucks or they charge you ridiculous shipping.  And then....after you have added enough shirts to do the 35 and you check out, they start scrolling fun stuff that you can add and not pay shipping.  The result was those four bags of clothes I gave to that lady.  Extra large glad garbage bags.  Four of them so heavy I couldn't lift them off the ground.  But now I have a new batch.  Dammit!!!!!  I need to hang them so I bought that new batch of velvet hangers.  (triple quadruple shovel list). Unlike other people's houses, my hangers don't propagate when left alone in a closet.

And thats about it.  Such an exciting life.  I need to get Leeloo or Gdog as I call her, back to the kids but they don't have a couch right now.  Nowhere to sleep.  They have bought one but the earliest it arrives there is the 26th.  I think tomorrow I will hang clothes and sit in the sun for a while...if it doesn't rain.  Solstice time.  Days are going to get shorter now which is fine with me.  I love the fall!

I just had something so exciting happen.  Elise has a phone now so I texted her and invited her for a two week visit this summer.  I listed some of the stuff we would do and she just texted me and said she would love it!!!!!!  I am so happy about that.  There are so many things we can do...Bamfield, Tofino, Coombs, swimming...so much we can do.  And I was telling her that if she makes it the last two weeks of August we can include a day at the PNE with family!!  I am so happy she wants to spend some time with old Gma!!!!!

Well on that very happy note I shall bid adieu!!!  TFL & TTYL

"Don't wrestle with pigs.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it."  Mark Twain

EPIPHANY

 The definition of epiphany:  A sudden insight or intuitive understanding.

And that is exactly what happened to me this last week.  I had an event happen unexpectedly and in a very convoluted way that led me to a much calmer and empathetic approach to about everything right now.  I sincerely hope it lasts, and I am sure going to work on it to make it so.  I won't go into what the    event that perpetrated this was but it very strongly effected a change in my thinking.  It's kind of nice!!!

  I must say it reminds me of Maui.  The whole philosophy and feeling in Maui was one of tolerance, understanding and patience.  Makes life a whole lot kinder and less stressful for sure.

I can give an example though!  Lol!!  As I reread what I wrote about the neighbour's house owner in that new more benevolent feeling, it came over me that when the only thing you know about someone is mental illness (mild) and you know nothing about the rest of his psyche, it behooves you to give a big benefit of the doubt and understanding.  Clearly his OCD tendencies are kind of ruling his actions with his house..for whatever reason.   And seeing the garbage I had piled and prepared for my junk guy, he felt that affected the loveliness of his property. As such I have completely changed my thoughts about him and got off my butt and did what I could to clean the back area including getting rid of the mattress.

  I regret how I reacted to that whole scenario.  But my mother's mantra is at play here....'Once you have said something, done something and thought something, you can't unsay it, undo it or unthink it.'  Oh, you can 'fix' it, but something 'fixed' is not as powerful as the original.  And you are what you say, do and think.  And I don't want to be that person in that blog post.

I am going across town this afternoon!!!!  Ange and I never go out.  Part of the reason is sad and the second part we will make happy.

A friend of hers whom I have met, has a daughter in hospital. Her daughter is in her twenties.  Mom wants to go see her and would like Ange to go with her.  But...neither of them drive.  So I shall be chauffeuring them up there later.  I will wait in the car which will give me lots of time to play my game on my phone that I love, without guilt!  Here at home there is so much I am not doing whilst I play that game.  So it's a win win win for all three of us!

After we drop her friend off, I need to go to Walmart for hair product.  Plus I would like to look for a reasonably priced bbq rack specifically for whole fish.  Maybe make a stop at No Frills.  So exciting!!!  Hahaha!!!  I have to keep in mind there will be a little dog at home having a fit so I shan't take too long.

The kids are home!!!!  They had an extremely long tiring and not without a couple hitches trip home.  I must admit I was kind of worried.  I don't think it's a good time to be flying if you don't have to right now given the political climate.

When they were flying home I was worried about them, and I thought...I will put the news on.  If anything huge and nefarious happens, like an air Canada plane going down,  it will be on the news.  So I switched on the news, something I have stopped doing for peace of mind, to a full screen shot of a massive terrible plane crash.  I almost had a heart attack!!!!!  It took a minute or two for them to say it was originated in India.  I hate to admit that the relief I felt was so profound I ended up   feeling guilty about not feeling sorry for the people on that plane that crashed immediately.  

I feel so disconnected from my Arnie.  All those two people do is work work work. They have been super busy getting the resort in Kananaskis ready for the G7.  And that was an amazing story!!! And then they got one busy day at home and then off to Whistler to do a million things to do with wallpaper on a hotel there.  I really miss her and Bradley.  She is even either too busy or too tired to talk on the phone!

My brother is coming for a short visit on Saturday!  It's tax time for those of us that are investors or in business for self and his accountant lives here in Port.  So he is breakfasting at Peskies with him and the accountant's wife then spending the afternoon doing business then coming here for a quick coffee before heading home.  It will be so good to see him.  I love visiting with him.

Well this is turning into a book.  My apologies.  Things are happy in our little house in the boonies today. Gotta bounce though.  Need to eat something and get ready to go out.  TTYL & TFL

quote:  No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.  Frankl   

TWO ITEMS ...ONE GUESS AND ONE REMEMBERED

 Last post I mentioned the high end store that Bill bought that office chair from...it was The Bombay Company.  I remembered out of the blue today!  There was one out at Park Royal and boy did he ever love that store.  I always tried to keep him out of it!!!

The guess, but I am positive, I know who reported our carport to bylaw.  It just wasn't making sense.  The carport was not a mess and nobody can see it.

The lovely couple next door with the two kids rent their house.  When I was out in the front yard with Leeloo last weekend they arrived home from a camping trip.  She hopped out of the car and said 'oh!! someone mowed the lawn!!'  Wow I responded.  Who would do that?  And in a resigned, not too happy voice, she answered, 'the owner'.

The owner lives just down the street.  Nicole keeps their yard pristine.  But that frigging guy shows up about twice a month and fiddles with teeny tiny details and complains to them how there is the odd weed or there is a new hair line crack in the driveway etc...  In other words an OCD fusspot.  And very unpleasant.  So he was over there all weekend.  Ange actually saw him.  There is absolutely no doubt in my mind he reported the garbage I had piled up ready for the truck to take it to the dump.  By the time the bylaw girl showed up it was gone.  No wonder she said it didn't look bad.

I feel much better.  I could care less what the jerk thinks.  It is a guess but he would be the only one that would even see it.  Narcissistic prick.

Thats it.  TFL & TTYL

I APOLOGIZE

 Okay I have calmed down.  Still pissed as hell but seriously when I took time to think about it really, what did I expect?  This town is annoying on just about every possible level so why not by law trouble.  First it was an unlocked empty garbage can.  Next it was a report on our dog's health.  And now a mattress leaning on a wall in an almost impossible to see carport.  Thats all I am going to say here or I will be mad all over again.

Well we have signed the lease on Monte's office space.  He is so excited!  He has been looking at Marketplace for a couch...unfortunately they have become expensive on that site.  Old raggedy couches, the kind that used to be fifty bucks, if that, are now 3-400.  Sometimes I leave not the nicest messages on their ads.  The other day there was a beat up rusty truck, 2003, 290 Ks, and he wanted five thousand dollars.  I went on there and wrote "five thousand for a beat up, used up, rust bucket hoopty???  GET OFF MARKET PLACE.  He sent back a two word suggestion that I shan't print here.  I sent back a laugh emoji.  But guess what?  He took it off.  I am definitely turning into a crotchety cranky old broad.  This relentlessly awful town can do that to you.

So on the Monte front.  When I saw him drooling over a 2000 dollar standing desk, I knew I would have to slow his roll without killing the hope and excitement.  Having that office is such an obvious amazing perfect fix for what we all need in this house.  Honestly I don't know why I haven't followed through on this thought.  I have had it before.  And because he is paying for it, it is all his, not something mommie is involved in.  It really gets to him that he is a 34 yr. old man and he can't work.

So, I have told him to go shopping in this house before buying anything, even cheap crap from the thrift store.  I want to get rid of some things and he needs stuff.

He immediately said he wanted the dining room table.  I said yes before he could get the words out.  That thing was being delegated to Tinny, the tin barn out back and we are going to get the table from Bamfield that April has.  It's too big in her house.  Monte needs a big table to work on.  I am going to make him measure it and go see where it is going to go in his tiny office. 

Also, do you remember that store that had Indonesian and Asian kitchy stuff and beautiful dark furniture?  I can't for the life of me remember the name of it.  Well Bill came home one day with an amazing humungous office chair.  It was stunning.  Upholstered, dark polished carved wooden arms and it swivelled.  I mean it was gorgeous but way too big.  It has been taking up way too much space in Monte's bedroom and not being used.  That's going!  His little fridge in the laundry room is going.  The massive totally in the way third coffee pot he brought home the other day is going.  (He is so much like his dad!!!)  Half the huge mugs he likes are going.  Etc....etc....etc....

So all in all this is going to be an epic change in our household, a good one.  He will still be coming home to eat and sleep, well sleep.  He eats out a lot. So we will be able to hit him up to help us with the tall or heavy stuff here at the house.  Win win!!!!!

Again I apologize for the last post.  Something in me cracked and has stayed cracked.  I think I have been seriously holding back my true feelings about this hole and the dam has finally broken.  Now I have to work on not being vocal about it.  No negative Nancying!!!!!  It's like Floppy, I held back on the dog convo.  I promise I shall do that for this a** h*** town.  Okay that was the last one!!!  Lol!!

TFL &TTYL

Life is what you decide it will be.  Just sometimes it's harder than other times.  Thats all.  

I AM SO UPSET I SHOULDN'T BE WRITING A POST RIGHT NOW.

 I am so pissed off.  I apologize in advance for my French.  

There was a knock at the door and it was bylaw.  She said that someone complained about the carport.  It has flattened cardboard and a mattress leaning up against the wall.  And ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE.  I was angry to say the least and let her know.  She agreed that it didn't look bad.

The thing is that no one even ever can see in that carport.  There are no houses across the lane.  Across the lane is a high fence and Quality Foods parking lot.  Seriously!!!  I told her I just hired a guy with a truck to help move things and make dump runs.  He has made two trips for me already.  He is older and makes a few bucks here and there doing this.  He only charges fifty bucks a load.  And she said then if I come back and check in two weeks it will be done?  And I said maybe it will be and maybe it won't.  And shut the door.  

And this brings me to admit to myself and out loud....I HATE THIS EFFING TOWN.  I HATE LIVING HERE.  I AM NOT GRATEFUL TO JUST HAVE A PLACE.  I HATE IT.  (hear that mom?  I am using the word hate). (shovel list)

I also hate this house.  It is an awkward house, old as eff, and constantly needing things fixed.  I just HATE  the thought that I have to finish off my life in the first place I have ever lived that I HATE.  For seven years I have managed to lie to myself.  I firmly believe that these things are a choice, to hate or not.  But I have to admit today was the last straw.  I am defeated.

On another note Monte needs a place of privacy.  He is a grown man living with two old ladies.  LOL!!  There is no way can someone on disability afford an apartment, even in this shit hole town.  So I have found an office space for lease just down the hill in hoboville.  It's perfect for him and he can afford the 400 a month for the lease.  He can retreat there when ever he needs to get away.  We have an appointment in half an hour to meet the real estate guy there to see if it will work out.  I do have a good feeling about this.  He will get all the alone silent time he needs.  I can watch Judge Judy and not constantly feel judged.  This will be a win win.

Okay I feel a bit better sharing this with all you people.  I way love this blog world a shitload more than my real world.  My blog world keeps me sane.

TFL & TTYL