I AM SO UPSET I SHOULDN'T BE WRITING A POST RIGHT NOW.

 I am so pissed off.  I apologize in advance for my French.  

There was a knock at the door and it was bylaw.  She said that someone complained about the carport.  It has flattened cardboard and a mattress leaning up against the wall.  And ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE.  I was angry to say the least and let her know.  She agreed that it didn't look bad.

The thing is that no one even ever can see in that carport.  There are no houses across the lane.  Across the lane is a high fence and Quality Foods parking lot.  Seriously!!!  I told her I just hired a guy with a truck to help move things and make dump runs.  He has made two trips for me already.  He is older and makes a few bucks here and there doing this.  He only charges fifty bucks a load.  And she said then if I come back and check in two weeks it will be done?  And I said maybe it will be and maybe it won't.  And shut the door.  

And this brings me to admit to myself and out loud....I HATE THIS EFFING TOWN.  I HATE LIVING HERE.  I AM NOT GRATEFUL TO JUST HAVE A PLACE.  I HATE IT.  (hear that mom?  I am using the word hate). (shovel list)

I also hate this house.  It is an awkward house, old as eff, and constantly needing things fixed.  I just HATE  the thought that I have to finish off my life in the first place I have ever lived that I HATE.  For seven years I have managed to lie to myself.  I firmly believe that these things are a choice, to hate or not.  But I have to admit today was the last straw.  I am defeated.

On another note Monte needs a place of privacy.  He is a grown man living with two old ladies.  LOL!!  There is no way can someone on disability afford an apartment, even in this shit hole town.  So I have found an office space for lease just down the hill in hoboville.  It's perfect for him and he can afford the 400 a month for the lease.  He can retreat there when ever he needs to get away.  We have an appointment in half an hour to meet the real estate guy there to see if it will work out.  I do have a good feeling about this.  He will get all the alone silent time he needs.  I can watch Judge Judy and not constantly feel judged.  This will be a win win.

Okay I feel a bit better sharing this with all you people.  I way love this blog world a shitload more than my real world.  My blog world keeps me sane.

TFL & TTYL