FEELING DEFENSIVE

 Feeling defensive is not a feeling I enjoy.  I have been, and still on occasion over certain specific situations, still do get very defensive.  But at some point in my life I made a concentrated effort to stop.  And it was super hard and took about two years before I could kind of automatically put a stopper on the reaction. (I read a self help book in the late sixties...lol)

Now, I am pretty aware of what will get past that stopper and am somewhat forewarned.  It still happens but I do my best to put a clamper on it and keep it inside.  My kids may not agree with this!!!

But that familiar feeling has been creeping in a little more lately and it has to do with Monte.  His disability is not necessarily totally obvious in a couple hours of visiting.  He even has said that his ability to act 'normal' (in other words what the world deems is normal) works against him in many ways.  

Part of that is my fault.  As his ambassador it should be up to me to educate our small circle enough for general understanding to avoid judgement.  But I don't have his permission.  I asked him for it but he answered 'not yet' and I have to respect that.  I have written here some of it for a mild general understanding but hells bells...I could write a book now!!!

But back to what I was originally saying...it is amazing how people judge our living situation here in this house, that actually sees outside people maybe three times a year.  In other words how the hell do they know how things really are?

  Everyone can put on a good show for several hours or even up to a few days.  But let me tell you, those few hours don't show squat to the reality.  I am not saying it's bad, just not accurate.  Yet people feel they can pass judgement on what goes on here.  I am sure not saying the decisions we make daily are all awesome, but I can say they are the best we can do at the time.  Okay now I am being defensive rather than explanatory.  Sigh.

  I know it is easy to come to the incorrect conclusion that he is milking me for all I have to gain a cushy life.  And if that is their conclusion then they also have to conclude that I am dead stupid.  And that I am not.

I am excluding family from this observation.  They have been nothing but supportive in every way possible and for that I am so so grateful.

So I guess my final word on this is: unless you have an adult child living with you, with exactly the same level of disability, the same disabilities (there is more than one}, I can tell you straight up...you haven't got a damn clue what it's like, what is necessary and how incredibly heart breaking then heart warming then breaking again it can be.  Thank Ohm I love him to the sky and back.

On another note Ange and I have decided we have to get out of this house at least once a week...not once every couple of months for appointments.  We are embracing and enjoying our retirement maybe a wee tad too much!!!  Neither of us feels compelled to work at whatever we find to justify our existence.  We can spend our days doing as little as possible and wallow in it...totally guilt free!!!!

  But...Steampunk coffee shop is calling us and No Frills for a little cheap supplemental shopping..filling in for all the groceries that Walmart, otherwise known as Out Of Stock, doesn't supply in our deliveries.  So shoes on, lists in hand and off we go.  TFL& TTYL

'Welcome to funemployment'. hahaha. AI