I have had a lot of, I guess I will call it sympathy and support, for my circumstances with Monte.  Due to certain issues lately and the ups and downs I know people are sympathetic about those circumstances.  And yes it can be hard and painful and scary and even hurtful at times.

But I want to clear something up.  Those issues are secondary, not the biggest pain I go through.  Those I find relatively easy to deal with for the simple reason of how much I love him. No, it's seeing him struggle.  Life is very very hard for him and it almost kills my heart to see him going through this..knowing it will never go away. 

 It's very similar I feel to parents with very sick children that with all the right treatments will eventually get better.  But while they are suffering, as a parent, I don't think there is anything more awful than to watch your kid go through that painful experience. 

And when I see Monte's frustration, humiliation and dashed dreams (if he dared to have them to begin with) it's the real pain for me.  It isn't the day to day difficulties or the consequences of his autism (inability to converse easily, extremely messy room, personal hygiene...all the things that go with mental illness), its HIS pain that hurts the most.  And unlike some sick kids, his is not going to get better or go away. I truly appreciate the care and concern people have shown towards me, but the real care and concern and understanding is more important for him.  He'd probably be pretty upset if he read this.  Lol!!!  He doesn't like sympathy. 

Well, on a different note, it's autumn...my fave time of the year.  I love fall.  By far, when asked, the majority of people say spring is their fave.  You know all that fresh sunshine, baby plants and animals growing, birds singing lalalalalala....so predictable! 

 Yes that is all lovely (I think it has more to do with no more snow and shovelling than birdies singing) but I love the getting ready to hunker down, baking cookies time now that we can actually turn the stove on again, inventing new soups, crispy aired walks in gorgeous coloured forests, smelling stinky dying fish in the spawning creeks, bears going to bed and leaving us alone finally, no more weeding the stupid garden, digging up potatoes like finding gold nuggets, hearing the honking clouds of geese abandoning us for another season....so many things to love!!! And I am now sitting in my beloved recliner watching the massive dogwood tree across the street, all gorgeous white in the spring, all gorgeous green in summer and now turning all gorgeous red.  Ahhhhh...I love it.

Right now at this moment I am in my chair, Leeloo (here for a couple of weeks) is sleeping between my knees under my laptop as I type, my music quietly playing.  A few minutes ago my damned nose started to whistle as I breathed.  So I started the usual routine we all use when that happens.  First I start snorting in and out.  Still happening.  Then I plug one nostril after the other and snort individually.  Nope.  Still happening.  Finally I capitulate and get a Kleenex and blow.  Nope.  Blow again just harder.  Nope.  Dang it!!!  I contemplated using a finger to fix it but I don't want to risk Alzheimers.  So I sit there for a moment, hold my breath and turn the music off. It still whistled.  What the heck???  I then realized it was the darn dog, nose breathing.  Jeez!!!  She also sometimes makes little groaning sounds but so does my stomach.  And they sound exactly the same.  Gets confusing.

Last night I wasn't making dinner.  On those nights I often eat raw wieners and chopped tomatoes in home made thousand islands dressing.  Something low carb and easy and won't spike my blood sugar.

Sitting in my fridge was a fairly large eggplant.  I love eggplant.  So I sliced it thickly.  Fried it in olive oil and Montreal Grille vegetable spice.  Oh my Ohm!!!  It was so delicious I ate the whole damned thing and thats all I ate!!!!

Okay this is getting too long and rambley.  Gotta go make a coffee and go do my writing.  Have a wonderful day or two and I shall be back. TFL & TTYL

okay the quote today has nothing to do with anything but it made me laugh out loud.  so I am putting it here.

'Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item in a thrift store that doesn't smell."

anonymous