The day started well yesterday. Coffee and breakfast with the boys and then Anne arrived. I am so excited to get my clothes all organized. We have actually done this several times before in our lives. She sits in a comfortable chair with three garbage bags in front of her. As I go through all the clothes she puts them in either garbage, sallyanne, or a friend I have who is pregnant and can use bigger clothes right now. My closet is beginning to look a little more manageable.
We said a sad goodbye to Graham. We drove him down to the bus depot and sent him on his way to Victoria. Then back to the house to finish the clothes. And then we drove Anton downtown and went back up to Mr. Mikes....again. The rib eye there is to die for and their veggies are delicious. But whilst there I got a very distressed phone call from Monte.
Long story short, he had another massive anxiety attack, if thats what it is, and they are so terrible. I feel just sick to my stomach and terrified when he has these attacks. There are no words that can describe the horror of hearing it and knowing that he is in a kind of hell we can't really grasp. So we do the only thing we know...call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. We have done this about seven times now and they always make him wait hours, even when the waiting room is empty, then briefly see him, give him shit for being noisy and jerky and stuttery, and kick him out.
This time though was a bit different. He had already taken all the drugs he could...so he wasn't there for drugs. And he was talking suicide. He is at the end of his ability to live like this. Some things are actually worse than death. He told the dr. that if they didn't help him, admit him so he could see a psychiatrist, he had seven ways he could kill himself. Then the dr. kicked him out.
Thank god patients out in the waiting room saw the whole thing and rallied round him and made him call me before going out that door. They were comforting and gave him literature on anxiety and advice. People can be so amazing. A wonderful nurse came over at that point and asked him if he was okay. They all said No and he is suicidal. So she went back to emergency and talked to them and the doctor and she came back and said that they told her there was nothing they could do.
I had Pat go get him and Pat arranged for two of Monte's friends to meet him at home and stay with him til he fell asleep. This morning at five he phoned me and I just listened to him talk...til eight. As he talked he became stronger and stronger. I am just thankful I am his mother and I love him like crazy. I would listen to him talk for eight hours if necessary. He ran around Port today, getting all his chores done and managed to wear himself right out. He is now sleeping so I can relax for a while.
Well the sky has turned an odd yellow. I have a feeling the weather is about to change again. I need to go batten down the hatches before all hell breaks loose. TTYL
No comments:
Post a Comment